tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post5272893164765083050..comments2023-11-02T06:57:11.400-04:00Comments on BookEnds Literary Agency: Workshop WednesdayBookEnds, A Literary Agencyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06287278822065839469noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-48585169619101280082011-10-27T08:21:01.507-04:002011-10-27T08:21:01.507-04:00Anon 10:17:
I've deleted your comment because...Anon 10:17:<br /><br />I've deleted your comment because you broke the #1 rule of Workshop Wednesday which is to respect the writer who had the guts to submit their query for critique.<br /><br />Please leave your bitterness and disrespect out of the conversation.<br /><br />--jhfBookEnds, A Literary Agencyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06287278822065839469noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-10441518490687346992011-10-26T22:17:23.004-04:002011-10-26T22:17:23.004-04:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-36695411252802009252011-10-26T18:52:47.267-04:002011-10-26T18:52:47.267-04:00I'm bothered by the name, Formarians. Did the ...I'm bothered by the name, Formarians. Did the author mean Fomorians (without the first "r"), the early mythical inhabitants of Ireland?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-70783529010326971282011-10-26T18:18:24.246-04:002011-10-26T18:18:24.246-04:00Something readers don't seem to be catching--s...Something readers don't seem to be catching--so maybe, author, you want to bring this out a little more--is that we're (apparently) dealing with Irish mythology here. Hence the Formorians, etc.<br /><br />I think if you make it a bit clearer, it could add some distinction and interest to your query, besides the things that have been mentioned already.<br /><br />Also, maybe it would help sharpen the conflict if you point out exactly what Hannah may have to sacrifice--and will she, or won't she?Lucynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-64442889917660743582011-10-26T17:47:23.188-04:002011-10-26T17:47:23.188-04:00I completely agree with Jessica's analysis, al...I completely agree with Jessica's analysis, all of it.<br /><br />I don't think the story sounds particularly different from the rest of the market, but I'm not sure that's a bad thing. It has a clear spot on the shelf, next to other YA paranormals/fantasies. I can imagine a lot of girls picking this up -- and IF the action is as heavy as the query would suggest, perhaps some boys too.Kristanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04771013578685419826noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-7317724429602574482011-10-26T16:11:47.426-04:002011-10-26T16:11:47.426-04:00I have a question...
I've read that the "...I have a question...<br /><br />I've read that the "hook" can be a log line, and I've seen other people (query shark, just today) say to avoid them. Does it just depend on the agent who happens to be reading it, and their preferences?Darci Colehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06538030983295752993noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-47646504694808512252011-10-26T14:56:18.023-04:002011-10-26T14:56:18.023-04:00Very constructive. Thanks for providing a Workshop...Very constructive. Thanks for providing a Workshop Wednesday!Prettypics123https://www.blogger.com/profile/05002015227586327112noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-41350630712298180522011-10-26T13:14:01.790-04:002011-10-26T13:14:01.790-04:00I agree that the action in the book is probably bi...I agree that the action in the book is probably bigger than what the query describes; I understand how difficult it can be to distill an entire novel into a few hundred words, but a little more punch would really make this query shine. Still, it seems pretty solid and interesting. I too also want to know if Hannah's got some bigger struggle than being attracted to Finn, and the part about becoming a witch feels a bit odd--I thought she was becoming a warrior, and was picturing more combat than magic. Maybe the warriors have witch powers <br />(will they all?), but the two don't necessarily feel connected here. <br /><br />Also, I want to know what happens if the Partizans choose not to sacrifice much of themselves at all. What are the bigger consequences? But I guess if I'm asking that, it means I'm intrigued, which is good@Kristin Laughtinhttp://kristinlaughtin.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-25720805427931766452011-10-26T13:07:16.115-04:002011-10-26T13:07:16.115-04:00I, personally, didn't think it sounded like ev...I, personally, didn't think it sounded like every other YA out there. However, I also didn't like the proper nouns...but it's hard to find original names for groups when you're writing a story like this. <br /><br />I agree with what Lehcarjt said about Garrett's name. You'd think the author's research would have produced a more era-friendly name...unless he changed it to fit it to the present? I mean, who would want to walk around today with the name "Tommaso Parentucelli" or "Silvio Piccolomini"Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12964473925684317787noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-58794707896352998402011-10-26T12:39:03.019-04:002011-10-26T12:39:03.019-04:00I like this--I do think that describing her as a t...I like this--I do think that describing her as a transfer student is important. That tells me she's been thrown into an unfamiliar situation. I agree that the use of all the names takes away from the impact of the proposal. In this case, less would be better, but it does sound really interesting.Kate Douglashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05486916548114546095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-59781567017732135482011-10-26T10:23:25.545-04:002011-10-26T10:23:25.545-04:00Seems like a good solid query to me - good job.
C...Seems like a good solid query to me - good job.<br /><br />Couple of thoughts though... <br /><br />I'd like to see how this story is different from all the other YA paranormal romances out there already. It feels very much the same as other stories and to be honest I'm soooo tired of YA Paranormal that a story has to feel 'out of the box' to get me to pick it up.<br /><br />This is really, really nit-picky, but I'm not crazy about your proper nouns (Piaculum, Formarians, Partizan). Something just rings off about the titles.<br /><br />I'm also not crazy about the names Finn and Garrett (both hugely trendy names right now). And Garrett is a German based name which seems odd for a 1000 year old crusader (who would have been Italian or French (I think?)). Of the two men, Garrett is also the more interesting - which might not be good in terms of showcasing the romance.<br /><br />Still, the query does it's job so take all of the above in light of that.Lehcarjthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17171145477602995121noreply@blogger.com