tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post7574308685332367643..comments2023-11-02T06:57:11.400-04:00Comments on BookEnds Literary Agency: Workshop WednesdayBookEnds, A Literary Agencyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06287278822065839469noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-13763431045948837942011-11-06T01:23:20.650-04:002011-11-06T01:23:20.650-04:00THink it's best to leave out the sequel. Sell ...THink it's best to leave out the sequel. Sell 1 book at a time. You want the agent's attention on the book you're selling right now, not some other book. Makes you seem scatterbrained, like one of those dabblers with desk full of manuscripts, none of them published.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-86419645978668709572011-11-02T20:04:49.598-04:002011-11-02T20:04:49.598-04:00Thank you all so much for your comments. I have a...Thank you all so much for your comments. I have actually revised this query long since submitting for this workshop and have focused more on the main conflict. It is so helpful to hear all these comments as I continue to revise.<br /><br />Thanks to all!<br />the authorAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-21160311227692017202011-11-02T19:34:56.215-04:002011-11-02T19:34:56.215-04:00I have to agree with Kristan and Anonymous here. ...I have to agree with Kristan and Anonymous here. I think the query is already telling too much, which does raise unnecessary questions, and that you (Lauren) seem to be asking for every detail of the story in what should be a short pitch.<br /><br />Right now the query just seems really long. He goes to Larimar. He goes back home. Then he goes back to Larimar, and all these comings-and-goings are caused by different reasons that (in a query) don't seem all that connected. My guess is it might go smoother if you cut out the random part about the accidents (again, just from the query; I'm sure it makes more sense in the story) and possibly his mom's health and set up the major conflict that defines the rest of the novel, regardless of where Cody is: gaining the loving family he desires or losing it to go save Larimar. (Just my guess from the information presented here.) Of course, I guess then you would need to leave in some info on how his family suddenly becomes loving... Oh well. The overall point is to simplify and stress the really key issues, and not necessarily include every plot point, especially all the back-and-forth.Kristin Laughtinhttp://kristinlaughtin.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-68009916303203262772011-11-02T17:41:58.463-04:002011-11-02T17:41:58.463-04:00Honestly I have more problem with the critique of ...Honestly I have more problem with the critique of this query than the query itself: "What paranormal abilities?" The writer's just told you the people from Larimar have ESP. "What kind of people live there?" The fearful kind, as stated. "What kind of internal changes does the character undergo?" You're kidding me, right? <br /><br />Slow down, Lauren, and be fair to the writer. The query needs work, but not THAT much work. The writer's got voice and a compelling, age-appropriate story, and deserves a better look than what he or she got here.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-31438522733705172612011-11-02T12:55:59.662-04:002011-11-02T12:55:59.662-04:00I thought some of the sentences were a little conf...I thought some of the sentences were a little confusing due to their wordiness. Did anyone else feel that way, or is it just my lack of coffee??? <br />Otherwise, this seemed like it had potential to be an interesting story. Just needed to be pared down (like the others said) and the main conflict identified.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12964473925684317787noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-24857136784346178192011-11-02T12:55:44.195-04:002011-11-02T12:55:44.195-04:00I love these workshops. They are so helpful. And I...I love these workshops. They are so helpful. And I agree, there are too many issues raised in the query. Focus on the main conflict, and what's at stake.Julie Daineshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08350205936357263571noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-39978323673690698112011-11-02T12:20:18.268-04:002011-11-02T12:20:18.268-04:00I think there's an interesting story behind th...I think there's an interesting story behind this query. For the query's sake, though, the author (IMO) needs to establish the major conflict. Is it the fact that his life's in danger in Larimar, or is it that he's torn between being with his mother, and returning to help the people of Larimar. One of these needs to be the focus of the query--along with the character and premise-setting points Lauren pointed out.Colin Smithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03292997431935215499noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-37568658531821579822011-11-02T12:15:56.730-04:002011-11-02T12:15:56.730-04:00I really like the premise, but I get the feeling t...I really like the premise, but I get the feeling that it might be difficult to properly treat all the issues you've raised and answer all these questions in 59,000 words.CB Hoffmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09427075906953909342noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-55307390127760273252011-11-02T10:29:49.094-04:002011-11-02T10:29:49.094-04:00Lauren's commentary indicates that she would l...Lauren's commentary indicates that she would like more answers, but I'm wondering if the issue (with the query, not the story) is that it's raising unnecessary questions. To me, it seemed kind of long -- almost like a synopsis/query hybrid -- and thus there were a lot of details that may not have been central to the story and couldn't be fully explained (like the "accidents," or even the father and stepfather).<br /><br />I'm not a huge Middle Grade reader, but I like this premise (boy feels disconnected from parents, finds magical underground world, then has to choose). I think the query just needs to be pared down to those basics and really show us Cody (as Lauren also said) and his struggle to figure out where he really belongs.<br /><br />The writing itself is pretty clear, age-appropriate, and compelling, IMO.Kristanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04771013578685419826noreply@blogger.com