tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post7757652952245612396..comments2023-11-02T06:57:11.400-04:00Comments on BookEnds Literary Agency: Pitch Critiques Round 9BookEnds, A Literary Agencyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06287278822065839469noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-78022594610728704222007-12-15T00:36:00.000-05:002007-12-15T00:36:00.000-05:00I know I'm way behind on my thanks, but I do want ...I know I'm way behind on my thanks, but I do want to thank you for taking the time to critique my pitch!Belinda Kroll, YA Victorian Romancehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00094563260885474369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-6176510561983739902007-12-04T15:20:00.000-05:002007-12-04T15:20:00.000-05:00"I find thrillers to be some of the hardest pitche..."I find thrillers to be some of the hardest pitches to write since the plots are often very complicated."<BR/><BR/>Thanks for saying that. Now I don't feel quite so stuipid.Wilfred Bereswillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03019217952304685255noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-88527927311147033792007-11-30T12:13:00.000-05:002007-11-30T12:13:00.000-05:00anonymous -- Go to -- http/www.pubrants.blogspot.c...anonymous -- <BR/><BR/>Go to -- http/www.pubrants.blogspot.com and check out Oct. 23, 'Pitches and All Jazz'. In it Kristin talks about her breakthrough in teaching queries. What follows is an eleven part series on same.<BR/><BR/>As to your heroine's and heroe's different points of view, I don't see why not to mention them if they're important but because of the demands of brevity try it in one sentence, ie. "She likes chocolate, he likes vanilla, vanilla gives her a rash but it makes him horny," Something like that.<BR/><BR/>Believe me, it is utterly amazing how much you can cut and still get the message across.<BR/><BR/>Hope this helps.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-88101293711918763052007-11-30T11:00:00.000-05:002007-11-30T11:00:00.000-05:00What about this: "Also, is it acceptable to have t...What about this: "Also, is it acceptable to have two paragraphs in your pitch showing both the heroine and hero perspectives as often done on the back of romance novels?" ThanksAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-32982770992550947072007-11-30T08:41:00.000-05:002007-11-30T08:41:00.000-05:00anon 10:47There is no difference. These pitches sh...anon 10:47<BR/><BR/>There is no difference. These pitches should be able to be used universally in verbal pitch appointments as well as the mini synopsis in your query letter. And as wplasvegas pointed out, they should be short and as succinct as possible. The point of your query letter pitch is to excite an agent enough to want to spend hours reading your entire manuscript, keeping in mind that we are often buzzing through up to 50 queries at a time. That means your pitch actually has to stop us in our tracks and get us to read the entire letter, twice.<BR/><BR/>A pitch is what your query letter should include not a mini-synopsis. I know the two could be considered one and the same, but they really aren't. A mini-synopsis would give true details from beginning to end about the book. A pitch simply grabs my attention and reels me in.<BR/><BR/>--jhfBookEnds, A Literary Agencyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06287278822065839469noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-8518448394139981782007-11-30T05:51:00.000-05:002007-11-30T05:51:00.000-05:00Sorry, I dont get it.Sorry, I dont get it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-55121643235346117242007-11-30T03:11:00.000-05:002007-11-30T03:11:00.000-05:00Correction --It. It works best. Pretty sure it w...Correction --<BR/><BR/>It. It works best. Pretty sure it works best. No, absolutely sure. IT works best.<BR/><BR/>Good night.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-47521089225588966492007-11-30T02:44:00.000-05:002007-11-30T02:44:00.000-05:00Anonymous -- A synopsis is a general summary of a ...Anonymous -- <BR/><BR/>A synopsis is a general summary of a novel's events. A mini synopsis summarizes only the major events. The purpose of both is to give a notion of character, plot, and tension. A pitch, on the other hand, has only one purpose, to garner a request for a sample.<BR/><BR/>For instance, a pitch could be, "Read my novel or I'll kill you!" If this approach worked, there would probably be an immense increase of the number of requests for samples overnight.<BR/><BR/>Agent Kristin Nelson, in her blog Pub Rants, just did a short series on this. She now encourages writers to come up with as short a pitch as possible. Heidi's for instance, is only five sentences. Each sentence is compound but succinct. She doesn't tell you what will happen or how it ends, there is really nothing about characterization. All it really does is make you want to know more.<BR/><BR/>Thanks to Jessica and Kristin, I have just cut my third perfect query letter pitch from eleven sentences to six, giving me my fourth perfect query letter this year. Now if I just could finish the damn book.<BR/><BR/>P.S. Jessica, thank you for your help and hard work. As I just mentioned, I've rewritten my pitch, changing the first sentence and cutting the second sentence that I sent you, so if you want to skip my entry, feel free (it's the one with the orphan and the Dolphins). Sorry I couldn't wait for the critique, but you've already inspired me and it just popped out. Just in case you want to know what I did, the sentence now reads, "Science fantasy without trolls, elves, or sorcerers, Secret Lore of the Dolphins is an epic story of a young woman shipwrecked at the age of seven in the Bermuda triangle, who is rescued, then befriended by Dolphins and taught their language." I don't really think this final query is as interesting or exciting as my previous ones, and it certainly doesn't give you any idea of what a magnificent and complicated job I have done but I'm pretty sure works best.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-14040915263395652042007-11-29T22:47:00.000-05:002007-11-29T22:47:00.000-05:00Can someone please explain to me what the differen...Can someone please explain to me what the difference is between these pitches and the mini synopsis in a query letter? Also, is it acceptable to have two paragraphs in your pitch showing both the heroine and hero perspectives as often done on the back of romance novels? Thanks for helping a newbie!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-91264274306226787652007-11-29T18:14:00.000-05:002007-11-29T18:14:00.000-05:00I loved Heidi's pitch. To be honest, I'm just skim...I loved Heidi's pitch. To be honest, I'm just skimming the pitches, but the voice in Heidi's caught me right off the bat. Good work, Heidi!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-2147735831385725942007-11-29T17:04:00.001-05:002007-11-29T17:04:00.001-05:00LOL! (Never used that one before!)I'm gone all day...LOL! (Never used that one before!)<BR/><BR/>I'm gone all day today between my guitar lesson and various circuitous travel for a TV interview promoting my latest novel, finally get back and get an e-mail from a friend about Jessica not liking my pitch.<BR/><BR/>I have to grin. What a weird business.<BR/><BR/>For what it's worth, if it had been a real pitch rather than me trying to squeeze everything into 3 sentences, I would have approached it differently. And although I think the name Peter Lee could be ditched, the name of Alan Richter probably shouldn't be, because he's almost as important a character as Monaco Grace.<BR/><BR/>More detail regarding the devil's deal might be worthwhile--like Monaco has to assassinate the President of China and the visiting King of Saudi Arabia in exchange for her and Richter's life--can she keep them alive long enough to prevent the killings while convincing them she's going to go through with it? And that's the tip of the iceberg there and it would be a shame to not mention it in a query.Mark Terryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09410424046477699059noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-28219920906906450672007-11-29T17:04:00.000-05:002007-11-29T17:04:00.000-05:00Thank you for your comments, Ms. Faust. The story ...Thank you for your comments, Ms. Faust. <BR/>The story is still in progress and perhaps I'll have the query polished by the time the book is finished.<BR/>And Karen, thank you for your kind encouragement.Bernitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05264585685253812090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-1739928982085147702007-11-29T14:50:00.000-05:002007-11-29T14:50:00.000-05:00Heidi, I thought your pitch was great, too. Raises...Heidi, I thought your pitch was great, too. Raises lots of fascinating questions, but whenever secrets are involved, I'm there! 8^) Gee, what does this say about me, lol?<BR/><BR/>I also really enjoyed Bernita's pitch about the necromancer and I can hardly wait til the book comes out! But then, I'm a rabid urban fantasy ran, and I thought your premise was special.<BR/><BR/>Pat, you rule! 8^) I'm a sucker for a good vigilante story. I didn't see your murderer as a serial killer, but as someone out for revenge. I do concur with Jessica, though, about the president. It seems like an over-the-top complication that overpowers the premise you start out with. As for making the killer likable, I also think it will be a challenge. I just watched The Invisible last night on DVD, and though the girl was a hero in the end, oh, did I ever hate her during the first two thirds of the movie for what she did. I doubt book-readers would be patient enough to hate a main character for most of the story.Karen Duvallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01839711547501582977noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-22664002753638404542007-11-29T14:14:00.000-05:002007-11-29T14:14:00.000-05:00Holy cow! I am rendered almost speechless!!!!! T...Holy cow! I am rendered almost speechless!!!!! This has made my week... my life! After posting this I thought, "I am going to look like such an imbecile!" I am rewriting and touching up my book now, but you have given me the incentive to not feel like throwing in the towel. Thank you!!!Heidi Willishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18420802651029097379noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-37541549267598414342007-11-29T13:49:00.000-05:002007-11-29T13:49:00.000-05:00Thank-you so much for continuing to do these, Jess...Thank-you so much for continuing to do these, Jessica! I can't tell you how helpful and informative they are. <BR/><BR/>I have a quick question - how fair is it to submit a pitch for critique that has already passed through your e-mail? You requested a partial from me based on it, but after reading some of these, I admit I am inwardly cringing now at all the mistakes I am now seeing in mine. I would love to submit it to the evergrowing pile for crit...Charity Vhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03144388593262342082noreply@blogger.com