tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post8203026701054003146..comments2023-11-02T06:57:11.400-04:00Comments on BookEnds Literary Agency: Workshop WednesdayBookEnds, A Literary Agencyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06287278822065839469noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-15020369017830224532011-08-25T19:39:58.021-04:002011-08-25T19:39:58.021-04:00Wasn't Miss Snark the original? Or am I just g...Wasn't Miss Snark the original? Or am I just getting old? Or has it been revealed that Query Shark IS Miss Snark and I somehow missed the momentous news?Lindsayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07650941719055538697noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-88317389827680732502011-08-25T10:51:58.327-04:002011-08-25T10:51:58.327-04:00I'm the writer of the query -- hope it's a...I'm the writer of the query -- hope it's acceptable to reply.<br /><br />Thanks to Jessica and all of the commenters (especially Kristan). I appreciate the feedback!<br /><br />Re: title. The dog's name is River. I left the dog's (and boy's) name out of the query, because I was trying not to overwhelm the reader. I can see how leaving it out leads to a disconnect with the title.<br /><br />Re: former runaway. Again, I think everyone is spot on. Identifying him as a runaway isn't necessary. I do, however, want to ensure that it's clear that Charm is estranged from the family and returning temporarily with ZERO desire to stay.<br /><br />Re: focusing on the boy. Well, although Lucas is an important character with his own arc, he's not the protagonist. Charm is. This is the story of Charm, his sister, and their mother trying to rebuild their own lives and finding that in order to do so, they have to heal and rebuild their family first.<br /><br />Clearly I still have work to do. I *do* appreciate all the feedback.<br /><br />Jessica, you mentioned women's fiction. Can you define that? I hesitate to call it that, because although Charm and his sister both flirt with dating (with other partners!), there is not a strong romantic element. Charm's sister's story is tied in with Charm's, but she's not the protagonist. Without a female lead OR romantic elements, is it women's fiction?Melissa Alexanderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13560125503655770461noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-46268272100097705272011-08-25T10:49:09.495-04:002011-08-25T10:49:09.495-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Melissa Alexanderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13560125503655770461noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-70226549713329503582011-08-25T07:49:47.334-04:002011-08-25T07:49:47.334-04:00Nice post! Thanks a lot.Nice post! Thanks a lot.writing jobs at homehttp://kpwriting.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-44784305303272378922011-08-24T14:36:04.337-04:002011-08-24T14:36:04.337-04:00The book's topic isn't for me (although th...The book's topic isn't for me (although there is a story about a little book in my novel) but the potential commercial success for the book is good ... if story will focus on the dog and the boy .. especially on how to train a dog. Millions of Americans have dogs, and the author is an expert in teaching/treaining dogs .. and have access to 7,000 potential readers.Giorahttp://giora-china.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-75203782473177896302011-08-24T14:18:08.458-04:002011-08-24T14:18:08.458-04:00I was thrown off by this:
"Former runaway, C...I was thrown off by this:<br /><br />"Former runaway, Charm Freeman, returns to his old life"<br /><br />because if he's a former runaway, then he's not a runaway now so when you say he returns to his old life that means he runs away. <br /><br />If the first phrase confuses me, what will the rest of the book do?Adelehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08790958029798438793noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-68744009790637544952011-08-24T10:36:00.954-04:002011-08-24T10:36:00.954-04:00The bones of the story are here, and they're g...The bones of the story are here, and they're good/interesting -- this is the kind of book I would read -- but the prose could use some smoothing out. Ex:<br /><br />"After a car accident widows his sister and injures his nephew, Charm Freeman returns home to help care for the family he once ran away from."<br /><br />I'm sure that's not perfect, but see how much can be conveyed in one sentence right off the bat? You don't want to pack TOO much information into every sentence -- if it's too dense it can become difficult to process -- but getting more mileage out of your words leaves you room to delve deeper into the characters' relationships and arcs.<br /><br />Also, I'm a dog lover, but I don't know what a "field trial" is. Perhaps you should "dumb down" some of the industry terms? Ex:<br /><br />"Despite his broken leg, Nate is determined to fulfill his father's dream: training their neighbor's retriever to compete in a dog show."<br /><br />That brings up my last point: could you give the boy a name? He's obviously an important character, but I feel a little detached from him when he's nameless.<br /><br />I think your query is very close! Just give it that one last edit/polish, and really push it to show off the heart of your story. Good luck. :)Kristanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04771013578685419826noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-75045711112465005802011-08-24T09:27:31.696-04:002011-08-24T09:27:31.696-04:00See, that's why I'm not an agent. I would ...See, that's why I'm not an agent. I would never have read past this error:<br /><br /><i>Former runaway, Charm Freeman, returns to his old life...</i>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-66085669670398938582011-08-24T08:21:31.895-04:002011-08-24T08:21:31.895-04:00Woof.
Translation:
Harley, he's the one in th...Woof.<br /><br />Translation:<br />Harley, he's the one in the blog photo, said he'd read it. Me too.Carolynnwith2Nshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18394998702410764388noreply@blogger.com