I love Christmas. To me, it truly is the most wonderful time of the year, and the best part of Christmas to me is the giving. So while this is the last official blog post of the year (BookEnds is closed December 22 to January 5), I decided we should go out with a whole heck of a lot of holiday cheer.
That being said, my gift to you for 2008 is another round of pitch critiques. For newer readers, let me explain what I mean. For almost any writer the pitch is one of the most important parts of your marketing plan. It’s what you use in the one key paragraph of your query letter to explain your book to agents, it’s what your agent uses to pitch your work to editors, editors use it to pitch your work in-house, and eventually you’ll use it again to pitch your work to readers, publicists, newspaper reporters, and everyone and anyone you want to impress.
To participate, you’ll need to submit your one-paragraph pitch in the comments section of this post. I will not consider pitches posted in other posts or those e-mailed to me and I certainly won’t take pitches from any query letters I receive. Over the course of the next two weeks I’m going to randomly select and critique (on the blog) as many as I can. Since I’m officially on vacation over the course of these two weeks the posts will truly be random. In other words, I’m going to do whatever I want. I’ll post them whenever I want and I’ll critique anywhere from three to three hundred, depending on my mood.
With a HO, HO, HO, have at it!
Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, and Happy Kwanzaa to all!
Jessica
304 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 201 – 304 of 304"Cold-Blooded Beauty"
Tysen stepped out of the unmarked patrol car and into a sea of inquisitive reporters. She was clad in the standard issued orange prison jump suit, which she donned like the newest addition to the Dolce and Gabbana collection, accessorized by matching shackles and handcuffs that almost appeared to be diamond encrusted as they sparkled to the rhythm of the multitude of camera flashes. How could a specimen of such astonishing beauty have committed such hideous crimes? Well, the life of Tysen Marie Summers has been anything but beautiful, and when the last person that she loved and trusted betrayed her, it sends her life spiraling toward a tragic end.
Thanks for doing this, Jessica! Happy Holidays!
Isabel Holden is an idealistic and opinionated woman who hates womanizers. Her best friend, on the other hand, has taken up with matinee idol Raymond Morgan, the biggest ladies’ man in 1938 Hollywood. When her friend receives letters saying, “Keep away from Raymond – or else,” Isabel gets worried. Then a not-so-accidental accident claims a life, and Isabel becomes convinced her friend was the intended victim. Another murder confirms her suspicions.
To keep her friend safe, Isabel has to figure out why Raymond’s ladies keep dying. Aided – and hampered – by Raymond’s womanizing best friend, she discovers that, in the movie industry, no one is exactly who they seem to be. Then a fire destroys crucial evidence and seriously injures Emma, and Isabel knows the killer is getting desperate. When a nosy gossip columnist is poisoned at a party at Raymond’s mansion, Isabel begins to wonder if he might be the killer -- and her best friend his next target.
(light-hearted historical mystery)
Hi Jessica. Thanks for being so generous with your time.
“Playing Hookey”
As Melinda sketches a skull and crossbones onto the logo of her client's about-to-be-printed brochure, she thinks of all the rivers that DF Chemicals has polluted, all the politicians it has bought off. And if she sees one more new-age motivational poster telling her to Reach for Your Dreams, she’s going to puke. She's tired of playing by the rules. Over the next fourteen hours Melinda leaves her dull boyfriend stranded at the Olive Garden and hooks up with a bad-boy tattoo artist, exposes the fake credentials of an incompetent colleague, and defaces the brochure that will be given out to politicians at a fancy cocktail party that night. But her rebellion could cost her everything: her job, her boyfriend, and all the nice things she bought to forget how unhappy she is. PLAYING HOOKEY, complete at 72,000 words, will appeal to anyone who has ever questioned if the compromises they make to get ahead, at work and in love, are worth it.
(commercial fiction)
Elle Bennet is saddled with a family that attracts social devastation the way Britney attracts paparazzi. Her youngest sister is the prep school slut, her family is drowning in credit-card debt, and her mother’s only hobby is social climbing. Elle’s life revolves around performing daily damage control to keep her family out of trouble, and when trying to save her older sister’s derailed romance, Elle meets trust-fund baby Will Darcy. She labels him arrogant and he labels her inferior. Determined to protect her sister, Elle is forced to navigate Will's world of old money, and finds herself drawn to the very person she hates the most.
I'll give this a try.
***
On the planet Cleo, Ezekiel is a young colonist who lives a double life as the gravity-defying thief Wally. When an ambassador from Earth brings an alien war to his planet, they uncover the dark secrets behind the colony's founding. With his friends staging a revolt and the fate of humanity in his hands, Wally finds that his wall-walking ways might leave bootsteps across the entire galaxy.
***
I'm thinking of changing the title and the lead character's name to 'Wallboy', to avoid comparisons to Wall-E. Wrote mine first, but Disney jacked the name. :)
Thanks Jessica!
Hound in Blood and Black - Speculative Fiction, 110k
The world is ash. Humanity clings to the edges of the continents, leaving the center lands to the corrupted and walking dead. Society has rebuilt itself, with the undead serving as the center of commerce through arena warfare. Wranglers and herders capture wilds, the unchecked undead, and pit them against one another as warriors; gladiators. Gambling, murder, and true death are the philosophies that make a forsaken Earth continue turning on an empty axis.
Kumari, a wrangler whose family was lost, exists to survive; the only fight in her soul is that she will decide the means of her own death. Driven by the need for food and water, Kumari achieves success in the arena, fueled by her uncanny ability to select the perfect gladiator from the wandering hordes. When a gamble against her fiercest rival turns sour, Kumari uncovers his scam and takes from him his treasured child-whore, Heaven.
As Heaven struggles somewhere between the disruption of her compliancy and acceptance of misery, and the chance live for herself, Kumari stares in the maw of her only fear when she is bitten by a wild and the death she believes so strongly in is threatened.
I appreciate you taking the time to review pitches, Jessica. Your blog is so incredibly helpful.
Tammy H.
"GOOD SAMARITAN" -- 95K, Romantic Suspense
When FBI Agent Colby Lanphear’s undercover investigation is blown, he’s forced to seek refuge in his hometown. And when his high school sweetheart, local librarian Erica Whitehouse, inadvertently saves him from a mob hit and becomes their next target, he’s obligated to protect her in return. But soon he finds himself falling for her all over again, only this time he can’t turn and run.
Thanks so much for doing this!
Zombie
YA, 60,000 words
Camielle Moreno never imagined that she’d be spending the summer before her senior year putting zombies back in their graves, but when her parents sign a contract with the Wrights, one of the secretive Families responsible for dealing with the undead, quit their jobs, and move the family to Tennessee, she doesn’t have much choice. Now her family’s future is in her hands. If the Wrights like her, her parents and younger sisters will have money and advantages they never dreamed of. If they don’t, the Morenos will be jobless and penniless.
With no friends, a mentor that hates her and a job that involves re-killing small children and family pets, Cami doesn’t think things could get any worse. But then Gramps, the Wright patriarch, dies, and things get weird. A rival Family decides they want Cami for their own, abnormally intelligent zombies appear wherever she goes, and Cami’s mentor is suddenly begging for her help.
Can she figure out what’s going on before someone gets hurt?
Twenty-four year old Rosalynn Monroe is dreading her next birthday in a few months. This vampire slayer may be one of the best in New York City, but she can’t escape Crispin, the master vampire of the island. Crispin will change Rosalynn into his queen on her twenty-fifth birthday unless she can find a way to escape him. She has been a victim, of his sexual expertise for years, and Rosalynn is finally at her breaking point. Her only hope is another slayer, who seems to hate her with every sense of his being. Rosalynn must decide if she wiling to give in to the immortal delights that Crispin offers her, or try to save her body and soul by defeating this man who can offer her every wish and desire.
I'd love some feedback on this pitch.
Growing up in a foster home nestled in an anonymous suburb of South Los Angeles, Cyrus Hart never expected much from himself. Sure, he has skin that fades to gray whenever he feels strong emotions, and strange miracles protect him anytime he’s faced with a threat, but does that make him special? Not if you consider his lackluster grades and inability to control his impulses. But then a magical book arrives via FedEx to let him in on a secret: Cyrus is the Hearth Tender, charged with protecting the flame that fuels all life on his home planet. Having the fate of a world in his hands does a lot to brighten his prospects. Now, if only he can deal with the local street thugs and find a way home….
Complete at 90,000 words, Soul Sorcery, the first in a trilogy, is a unique amalgamation of Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings, Nix’s Abhorsen Trilogy, and John Singleton’s Boyz N the Hood.
Blocked by a spell since birth, Sebastian Telth can see magic but can’t use it. He is willing to do anything to have this removed including cutting a deal with the dragon, Blackfire. With the help of his friends, Cecil the troll, Buster the shape-shifting beagle and an ill-tempered wyvern named Claude, he sets out to accomplish the tasks set to him. Along the way he learns the value of friendship, kindness and loyalty. However, to complete the last task he must either betray all he has learned or defy the dragon and give up the one thing he desires most.
DRAGON'S DEAL is a 65,000 YA novel
The world has fallen victim to yet another global war. Fought between the newly-created Normals—genetically engineered clone slaves—and the newly-revealed Paranormals—humans with magical capabilities—the war reaches past borders and threatens to destroy everything in its path. Solomon Hunter is a telepathic reconnaissance soldier who holds two terrible secrets: one that could destroy him, and one that could destroy society. But when enemy fire blows apart his body and his life, Solomon forces himself to forget his secrets. He constructs a new life to hide behind: teacher, husband, father. Only a heartbreaking betrayal, and the memories of the man Solomon once loved, can reveal an enemy terrorist’s plans to end the war at last—and to silence Solomon forever.
SHADES OF HUMAN, science fiction, 95,000.
Thanks so much Jessia, hope you have a wonderful holiday!
Johanna Jergensen never thought that training to become a Guardian at the elite Teras Academy would be easy. But she had no idea it would be this hard. At eighteen, she’s the oldest student ever admitted and her classmates aren’t exactly welcoming. The only bright spot in her new life is the hunky Prince Nerrith. Charmed by his sapphire eyes and dreamy smile, Jo can't help but falling hard for him. When she overhears a sinister plot that threatens not only the kingdom, but also the prince of her dreams, Jo discovers that the conspiracy reaches all the way to the Queen’s top military advisor. And she’s on his hit list. Tangled in a web of magic and deceit, she must now choose between saving her prince or saving herself
Earthquakes, months of unrelenting snow and a complete loss of contact with the outside world tell Peter that something terrible has happened, but not what. Trapped in a remote mountain cabin, he maintains a tenuous grip on his sanity when a beautiful young woman mysteriously shows up at his doorstep just days before the snow stops. She is his salvation, an end to unbearable isolation, but when her dark past catches up with her, Peter is forced to choose between love and conscience. His decision sends the two of them fleeing for their lives and searching for answers as the melting snow reveals a world unlike anything anyone has ever seen. Together they will learn not only what caused the greatest disaster in the planet’s history, but that the worst may be yet to come.
Maggie Mortimer always misses the baby she longed to have. A child of the system, at 34 she’s widowed when her husband dies in a tragic accident. Made redundant from her job, she opens her home to troublesome teenagers, young women who need someone to listen to them as much as a roof over their heads.
Liz McKenzie turns to Maggie when going back home puts her in fear of her life. Becky Ward is arrested for shoplifting after sleeping rough for two nights. Going to Maggie’s house is far better than going home to face a murder charge. Jess Myatt has spent her whole life with a family from hell and thinks nothing of using this to her advantage. Cheryl Morton comes and goes as the mood, or the drug of her choice, takes her.
All in all, there’s never a dull moment at Maggie’s house. So when things start going missing, property is vandalised, notes pushed under the door and a homeless teenager is murdered, Maggie never suspects that the culprit could be after her. Until maybe it is too late.
The Caretaker: Real women. Real problems. Real crime
Merry Christmas!
What happens when seven African-American singles rent a New Jersey beach house for the summer? For the third year in a row, writer Shontae Nichols plans a quiet summer in Beach Haven sharing a rental house with friends – a drama instructor, an accountant/realtor, a cosmetologist, an aspiring actor, and a hip-hop video-dancer. The friends learn the truth behind two age-old questions: Can men and women ever just be friends? Is it possible for women peacefully co-exist in the same house? Their quiet summer is shaken to the core when one of their housemates ends up in the hospital in critical condition. The hospital vigil acts as a catalyst to the already growing tension in the house and ultimately defines their relationships.
Hot Fun in the Summertime, is a sexy 100,000 word, multicultural story I would compare to The Big Chill or Why Did I Get Married? featuring singles.
Well, I finally got the time to work on my 3 paragraph query plot into a one para (though maybe a longer one para) pitch.
YA Adventure Fantasy, 95,000 words
Cursed by a spell that erased most of her memory, dark mage Lusa Cralet flees her homeland in an attempt to leave her past—and possible evil deeds—behind. Her chaotic, jumbled memories haunt her but are nothing compared to her powers trying to possess her. If the dark magic succeeds, she’ll be nothing more than a mindless monster, destroying everything in her path. But she soon finds out she isn’t the only one with magic. The empire is under a sorcerer’s magical plague, and the empress turns to Lusa for help. She agrees only for the sake of redeeming herself. While the temptations of her powers grow more difficult to resist, she begins her whirlwind journey of magical war and dangerous quests, all while trying to deal with the foreign affairs of love for a bounty hunter she knows may never love her in return. When Lusa is sure everything in her life has turned to failure, she finally confronts the sorcerer who reveals his connection to her mysterious past. Lusa must either master her powers to destroy the only family she has left, or become a slave to them both.
Thanks again, Jessica, happy holidays!
Merry Christmas, and thank you for this!
Schroeder Kelly was quite happy living her solitary computer geek life. Edward Valenti-Kirby was happy with his technical consultant life until he was named one of New York's most eligible bachelors. A chance encounter with a ring at Tiffany's sends them back in time together, and the couple gets married on their third date. In 1749 England. Balancing traveling through time, being newlyweds, Eddie investigating Schroeder's company for a buyout, and hiding their marriage from friends, family, and coworkers isn't easy. Toss in an ex-boss out for revenge, and Schroeder's not having a good year. In any century.
Magic is alive in modern Chicago where sixteen-year-old Kiera attends a private school for Vamps, Changers, and Mages and struggles with homework, bullies, cute boys, and the fact that she just found out she's adopted and her best friend's mortal enemy. Angry with her parents for lying to her and on the outs with her best friend, when Kiera stumbles on a scheme to destroy a four hundred year old alliance and throw the magic community into chaos, she has no one to turn to for help but the new guy in school, a demon, who may, or may not be, after her soul.
Ellie wants a family life and when she meets Justin online his kindness shows in stark relief her husband's long-term neglect. But whenever she allows hope to build of a shared future Justin vanishes. Her attention is diverted by a whirlwind visit to a remote island to plan the publicity launch for a luxury retreat where she is stunned to have the owner Laurence and project director Marcus both vying for her attention. On her return home she is greeted by a husband with a revived interested in her whereabouts and Justin reappearing with the proposal that they meet in few weeks at the Taj Mahal to explore what they have found.
But what does a woman say to the love she's never met in person and a usually absentee husband when she discovers that she is pregnant?
Thank you Jessica,
MEWriter
Here is my pitch for the novel I am currently working on. I won't submit queries til the book is done, but never hurts to get advice early!
In "After Death", Erica Jordan wakes up in a parking lot and realizes she is dead. With all her plans for the future thrown out the window, Erica wanders the streets of Los Angeles as a ghost- until she discovers that her death was the third in a string of serial killings across the city. Using her new state of undeath to her advantage she begins to investigate the murders and struggles to aid the detectives on her case, hindered by the fact that no one can see or hear her. As more women end up dead and the killer seems to have no intention of stopping, Erica discovers that the murders are a lot more personal than she originally thought- and her sister may be the next victim.
Thank you for doing this! Merry Christmas!
Sorry to hear about your travel plans and thanks for the gift of your time and knowledge.
One minute Krea is snatching money bags from unsuspecting nobles, the next she is being told she belongs to an ancient race of shapeshifters. Now, sixteen year-old Krea is saddled with Sorin, a surly Caller hiding from his past, and is on a journey to the Royal City to meet the elders who will decide her fate. Along the way, they add a seven year-old elemental wizard and a scheming faerie to their haphazard group. But they are about to find out that things are not as they seem. The Torbadyn has infiltrated the Royal City and it will be up to Krea and her group of reluctant heroes to save the Empire.
Thanks!
This is a wonderfully helpful thing you're doing, so thanks. This is a new WIP so if it gets chosen, I'd be so excited to have the feedback. And here goes:
Princess Zaya Vallian had heard of Channelers just like everyone else in Larness. The Old Tales told of mysterious sorcerers who worshipped energy – treading dangerously close to the realm of the Gods – and could bend the powers of wind, water, fire, light, sound and even the pull of the earth to their will. They were slain en masse for their blasphemy centuries ago and Zaya never believed the rumors that some survived deep in the Border Forest until one came to her in a dream, telling her things she didn’t want to hear about herself and the future. In disguise, using magic she didn’t know she possessed and trapped in a prison cell of former childhood friend and now bitter enemy, King Arrakus of Ancar, Zaya is mortified to learn she is a latent Channeler whose powers are only beginning to surface. Even more disturbing is the realization that the small band of reviled and outcast magicians could be the salvation of her kingdom and the key to winning a war against a tyrant.
In a dystopian future, a badly injured young girl in a hospital is brought back from death by an unlikely savior: the tiny alien headliner of a circus side-show. Elsewhere, a wounded solider is trapped on ship and stalked by an unseen danger that has already decimated the crew. Unable to remember anything except the phrase "Lex Talionis", the young woman calls herself Lex. With the help of her doctor, Colin Mayfeld, and his friend, the mysterious empath Dr. Anton Slake, she begins the search for her identity. Where her story intersects with the wounded soldier's lies the answers to her past, present and future.
I apologize if I'm not supposed to post more than one, but here is the main body of my other query letter:
In the quiet grasslands of Gailand lies the Queendom of Dun, home to the High Court and the divinely appointed Hand of Gaia, Queen Elise. The Ladies of Gailand and their warrior magicians, the Amazores, carry out the business of the Queendom within golden hallways filled with magic and knowledge, as they have since the ascension of Gaia to the Heavens.
But beneath the gilded tiles of the High Court of Dun, an ancient threat slumbers. And even as the Queen enjoys precious moments with her son and her daughter, Viyella--the Spirit of Gaia and heir to the throne--political ambitions weave delicate webs of lies and manipulation. For Gailand is a world ruled by women and their magic, a world beholden to the Goddess Gaia and all her blessings. But there are some who do not worship the Goddess. There are some who do not accept Her rule. And the horror that sleeps beneath the Court is stirring…
Soon, treachery will open the long hidden Nightward, the book of magic that even women fear to wield. Blood will flow along the darkened corridors of the High Court. And the fate of Gailand will rest with a reluctant young soldier and one powerful Amazores, who must find a way to protect a special child--the last hope of Gailand--from the ancient magic that hunts her.
For if Gailand falls, other worlds fall with it…
Jessica,
Thanks for spending some of your holiday time with us!
Courting the Pawn is a 101,000 word fantasy romance.
Bound by his ancestor to restore the family power stone, and thus their land, Bryown learns the witch sent to guard him has been ordered to steal their crystal wand. He must rely on his one magical gift—jumping through space—and the help of his spectral ancestors to convince the beautiful but fiery witch Kel to break her master’s bond and help him, or kill her to fulfill his duty to his land and people.
Detective Lew Dante is a survivor. As a child he survived the horrors of a Nazi death camp. In his long career as a police officer, he has survived the deadly force of numerous felons. Now he is facing an end to all that. He is retiring. And he is dying from terminal cancer. But before he turns in his badge, he is determined to solve what has become his most personal and dangerous homicide case. Someone is kidnapping twins. Their bodies are found weeks later in public areas, grotesquely posed and ritualistically mutilated.
Haunted by his past and racked by ‘survivor syndrome,’ Dante’s investigation into the murders forces him to revisit the horrors of his youth. And as he delves deeper into the case, the insanity of the past comes full circle, and Dante is once again confronted by a powerful cabal that will stop at nothing to protect the killer, a twisted genius whose deadly motives are chillingly tied to that evil time.
This is so nice of you! Thanks =D
This pitch is basically what (in a few months or so), I'll be sending out to agents. :X Comments and critiques from an agent beforehand is more than I could ever hope for, and the best Christmas surprise. Ever. *crosses fingers* Note that the title is a working one. I have yet to come up with a good one. :X This novel is a mixture of historical fiction, paranormal fiction, and mystery.
Fifteen year old Kitty Hawkins, daughter to London's most affluent widow, has a secret: she can talk to ghosts. On the morning of March 19th, 1743, England buzzes with the news of Lord William John Brinsley's sudden suicide, but only Kitty knows that Lord Brinsley was murdered: he told her. Driven by a persistent spirit and compassion for his now disgraced family, Kitty becomes devoted to exposing the crafty criminal; however, what first appeared to be a simple quest of vengeance soon thrusts Kitty right into the middle of a terrible conspiracy, orchestrated by one of the most ancient sects of English society. Now, Kitty must utilize the only two tools she has: men's clothing and her disgraceful unladylike intelligence, to uncover and expose this sinister plot before it destroys Lord Brinsley's family, her, and all of [Great Britain]. However, there is only one major complication: she must protect her secret, or else she just may find herself stranded on the wrong side of one of London's infamous witch hunts.
KITTY HAWKINS AND A FIST OF FOX FIRE is a Young Adult novel finished at 80k words.
Thank you! Merry Christmas!
As luck would have it, I queried you just minutes before you announced your critique session. I would love to have known what you thought of my pitch before I sent it! I would still appreciate your insight, as it would help with future queries. Thanks!
Nick Sanchez is emphatic about one thing: crime. Armed robberies, drugs, kidnappings, murder… these abominations ensnare him with their endorphin induced rushes. He is addicted to the dark underground world of corrupt criminals. His propulsion into this godless world comes not from bloodlust, but from his pledge to uphold justice.
Through his work with the FBI, Special Agent Nick Sanchez’s life has become a hodgepodge of seedy associations and meetings with one low-life after another, all in efforts to uncover the mastermind of each unpardonable crime. Dark alleys and shady back-rooms and all the possible dangers contained therein do not stab fright into Agent Sanchez’s heart. But falling in love does.
The Saving Race is a complete 104,000-word romantic mystery novel set in the panhandle of Idaho. When Agent Sanchez is sent to the area to investigate the disappearances of three women, he expects to solve the cases quickly and notably, enabling him to continue his arduous climb up the FBI’s career ladder. But instead, Agent Sanchez stumbles onto a radical religious sect whose white supremacist beliefs are based on a fictional account of Armageddon. Nearly as troubling to the man Nick Sanchez is the fact that his heart has tripped over love for the first time…a happenstance that places a harrowing labyrinth on his career path.
Thirteen-year-old boys rarely go to hell. They rarely have to. But David Lowell does. One year after an accident killed David’s father and nearly killed David, his world begins to change. David has had epilepsy as long as he can remember, and the accident left him with other damage: he can no longer read. He’s sent to a school for children with special needs, but nobody can help him. Another seizure brings new medication, and soon there’s a problem. David is seeing shadows around certain people, and those people start to die. He can see a shadow around anyone who is due to die, a skill Death himself needs to find them. Death will chase David through Heaven and Hell, wanting to put him to work forever. David cheated Death once, and Death hates a cheater.
Jessica, thank you so much for this opportunity. My fantasy, The Yellow Trolley, is approximately 13,000 words or 70 pages. It is currently being edited. I would appreciate any thoughts you have about the pitch.
Marcia Keyser
Matilda’s world is disintegrating: the classroom clock talks; a jellybean is devious; a recurring nightmare of two shadowy figures fighting haunts her dreams. She retreats into a dangerous part of her mind called Ceiling Land where she forgets everything. Neither her home nor her school offers her sanctuary: her home harbors frightening memories and her beloved Grandfather, her only friend, is not the same—he will never be the same again. Then her notebook comes to life with a frightening series of images: an evil sprite named Stitch who changes shapes with abandon, who hides his identity behind a mask but who somehow seems familiar, says the images show that she is to fight the Chimera—a beast with the head of a lion, the body of a goat, and the tail of a dragon—and that she will die. Grandfather as he used to be comes for her on The Yellow Trolley, the trolley crashes on a strange land called Nowhere, huge white mounds turn into jellybeans that would crush them and an old man winds clocks backwards to give her more time.
The six nerd gamer friends of the Sleepless Knights team expect the newest high-tech video game to be exciting and challenging, but they don’t anticipate it being so deceptive and deadly. SmackJack, CuteGirl, Slash, Doc, BiPolarBear and Bitz eagerly sign up to play the Virtual Assassin game, the first game to be played over the EYE-Net. The game is touted as being super realistic, a fantasy world projected over ordinary life. The game even includes pain for total realism and excitement.
EYE-Net, 118,000 word science fiction
Peregrine is a mining dragon, and an aging one. He lives side by side with the weasel-like Tillian, his hearing guide and best friend. Determined to live under his own power, Peregrine needs to learn to seperate Tillian's life from his. But when a young mage, Rose, needs help to save her plague-striken village, that seperation comes sooner than Peregrine or Tillian could have imagined.
http://climbthesky.blogspot.com
Great fun, thanks!
YA -- dystopian
Years after a series of diasters have wiped out most of the earth's population, the only survivors now live in a part of Michigan now known as Mishca. They are divided into two groups: the Dornons, whose land is fertile enough to grow food, and the Outliers, who face starvation and the brutality of the police. For sixteen-year-old Paul, life is barely survivable. But he meets his fate when he illegally escapes to the Dornon's land and discovers the food shortages are a guise to eliminate the Outliers. In order to save the Outliers from destruction he must fight both the police and the Dornons vicious leader.
DARK MERCY—historical fiction 75,000 words
Like a sloop battered by the storms that churn the North Sea near Marika’s home, she finds the course of her life destroyed by a pregnancy she didn’t intend and a marriage she did not want. As though these burdens weren’t enough, war catches up with Marika drawing her inescapably into dangerous relationships with the Dutch Resistance and a German officer.
In Dark Mercy, Marika struggles to find the love she has always craved. But when she finally grasps it, it slips through her fingers and she ends up shouldering responsibilities she can’t bear. But Marika presses on through occupation, death, hunger, and fear to save the lives of her son and niece. When everything finally seems safe, the thing that Marika dreads most overtakes her, and she must strike back in order to survive. In the end, she discovers that dark mercy sustained her and gave her the love she desired.
Paranormal Suspense
Newlywed Cadence Marshall suddenly finds herself a widow, grieving alone with only her husband’s ashes for company. She is unaware that a mix-up by the funeral home is about to turn her self-imposed exile from life into a terrifying ordeal. The young widow struggles to maintain her sanity as she searches for an escape from the horror that has invaded her home before it’s too late.
Thanks for doing this and on your vacation.
Mallory Donovan’s ‘life is good’, world is thrust into the unknown of the mystical when she travels to Ireland to settle her deceased grandmother’s estate and learns she’s inherited the haunted Grayson castle. Unaware of the deadly blood spell placed on her family centuries ago, she encounters freezing mists, out of body experiences complete with an evil narrator, and messages warning her to leave or die. Add to that, her dead grandmother wants to carry on conversations from a video and she’s sure her next home will be an eight by ten padded room. Issues of trust are put to the test as Mallory must decide to stay and claim what is hers or leave the place to the evil inhabitant dooming the castle and its past to the blood spell forever.
Trevor Riley, International Realtor, seals deals, big deals, not caring who he hurts along the way. His motto: wine them, dine them, gain their trust, but never become emotionally involved. And he thinks he’s just the man to schmooze the new owner, Mallory Donovan, into selling the estate. That is until she uncovers his motivation for lavishing so much attention on her. Now he’s caught between protecting a woman he hardly knows from the very place he wants to buy, leaving her on her own, making the deal of the century and losing the one love he’s always wanted.
90K paranormal romance
Thank you for taking the time to do this!
Paul Harrison longs to play Hamlet, but he has no acting opportunities on the spaceship where he lives with his family. Each year, the spaceship passes through a wormhole to a parallel younger Earth in another universe, where time travelers harvest DNA and historical artifacts. After Paul’s mother is killed during leave on their own Earth, he is stunned to learn he is a product of the time travelers’ work: he is the clone of Sean Quinn, a legendary rock star who was murdered. Now Paul’s Great-Uncle Jack, so obsessed with Sean that he funded the cloning project, expects Paul to give up acting for music. Paul suspects his great-uncle arranged to have his mother murdered to awaken Paul’s musical gifts. He determines to trick a confession out of his great-uncle by impersonating Sean’s ghost. With only his acting skills and equipment, his friends, and an untested ability to make improbable events possible, Paul must escape the spaceship so he can meet Sean on the parallel Earth and create a realistic holo of him for Paul’s costume. If Paul can evade angry time travelers and Sean’s murderer on the parallel Earth, then he can face Great-Uncle Jack before he hurts someone else Paul loves.
Sylvie was a pleaser. She did as her mother pleased and she did as her fiance pleased. Then she did as she pleased. Raised by a domineering mother, Sylvie doesn’t like the submissive woman she’s become. Determined to take back her life, she heads to the hills on the day she’s to wed. Coming across a quaint, country inn with an intriguing name, she impulsively checks into SERENDIPITY HOUSE. Peopled with an odd assortment of characters, the inn has clearly seen better days. Even the regulars have a bit of wear on them. Thus, when debonair Alex arrives and is strangely comfortable vacationing among the geriatric set, Sylvie finds it suspicious and does her best to ignore him. Not until she’s hired to manage the inn does she learn he’s not the pedigreed gentleman he purports to be, but a streetwise PI hired by her ex to find her. Adding insult to injury, he’s also the new owner of the inn.
A mysterious wood, a growing evil, and secrets…
When Ned Nasterdly unearths a centuries old dungeon in the Wysiwyg Wood, the lives of those in the Magical World will never be the same – and the evil may exude the boundaries into another realm.
Stormy Reed thought himself fairly normal. But when the bizarre starts becoming the norm, an unknown creature attacks him, and three people disappear from the lake, Stormy finds himself at the center of it all. His world begins to fall apart as questions arise that he cannot answer. When he discovers a hidden cabin across the lake, he is left with secrets of his own, terrified, and fearing for his sanity.
With the help of the Gatekeepers, Lionel and Eaglantine Griffin, Stormy will discover the truth about his life and a destiny he may not survive. Torn between the mortal world in which he lives and the Magical World from whence he came, Stormy realizes that his adventure is just beginning.
Any feedback you could offer would be great!
Growing up in a foster home nestled in an anonymous suburb of South Los Angeles, Cyrus Hart never expected much from himself. Sure, he has skin that fades to gray whenever he feels strong emotions, and strange miracles protect him anytime he’s faced with a threat, but does that make him special? Not if you consider his lackluster grades and inability to control his impulses. But then a magical book arrives via FedEx to let him in on a secret: Cyrus is the Hearth Tender, charged with protecting the flame that fuels all life on his home planet. Having the fate of a world in his hands does a lot to brighten his prospects. Now, if only he can deal with the local street thugs and find a way home….
Complete at 90,000 words, Soul Sorcery, the first in a trilogy, is a unique amalgamation of Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings, Nix’s Abhorsen Trilogy, and John Singleton’s Boyz N the Hood.
Would you tell people of your special gift if everyone you’ve ever loved rejected you?
Empath, Jade Calhoun has never been successful in relationships. Hiding her ability has become second nature. But when forced by circumstance to rent a haunted apartment on Bourbon Street, she finds herself surrounded by an unlikely set of new friends. And attracted to Kane, a man no one’s mother would approve of.
While the ghost haunts her day and night and Kane invades her dreams, Jade’s emotional radar works over time picking up more than she’s ready to handle. Unnerved by the haunting and her out of control hormones, Jade focuses and seeks help to rid the ghost from her life. And when the haunting extends to one her new friends, Jade takes charge and learns she is the one who must stop the ghost before her friend is lost forever.
With secrets revealed and trusts broken, Jade needs to find a way to work with Kane to save her friend and hopefully along the way accept the love that’s waiting for her.
Paranormal Romance 85K
Sleeping on the COuch: A Novel
Liz Gallagher survives a divorce of convenience, transfers her daughter and herself from a house to a studio apartment, and takes a full-time job, all within a few short weeks. She’s calm, she’s cool- she’s supermom. When her daughter Emma's school burns down, she falters, but only for a moment; within days Emma transfers to a college prep high school on a full scholarship. Maybe this raising-a-teenager thing won’t be so bad! But Liz can’t compete when Emma’s new best friend, Alex, pulls her into a life of shopping sprees, ski trips, and Ivy League aspirations. Liz is tired of her impatient boss, tired of fending off her ex, tired of being the poor mom surrounded by wealthy parents. Tired of sleeping on the couch. When the Chambers ask Emma to move out of the studio apartment she shares with her mom and into their three-story mansion, Liz fears she may lose her already-distanced daughter completely.
Thank you so much for running this pitch critique!
Service of the Crown
Sixteen-year-old Renee Milledy is about to get kicked out of the Realm’s top military Academy. Although she trains harder than anyone, she can no longer keep up with her stronger male classmates. And that’s only the start of her troubles. To make things worse, a bully is sabotaging her gear, her best friend is an illegal mage, and the new instructor, legendary swordsman Korish Savoy, seems intent on finding her breaking point.
And then, everything turns upside-down.
While protecting Renee in a turned-bad field assignment, Savoy falls captive to an underground organization. Athletic and experienced, he’s the perfect conscript for its illegal gladiator games. When the Academy turns a blind eye, it’s up to Renee and her friends to mount a rescue before he dies in the ring. But to succeed, she’ll have to do a lot more than find her teacher: she’ll need to leap from academia to Cater’s gang ridden streets, where weapons are real and referees don’t exist.
Service of the Crown, an 81,000 word Young Adult Fantasy novel, fuses a coming-of-age story with an adventure quest. Ethical dilemmas sneak their way into the plot, discretely challenging the reader to weigh loyalty against law, safety against sovereignty. Audience who relish tales with strong female heroines, such as Tamora Pierce’s Song of the Lioness and L.A. Meyer’s Bloody Jack Adventures, will enjoy Service of the Crown.
Ginny Marie Holtzinger thought the job description sounded normal enough. WANTED: honest, hard worker able to deal with the day to day of hospitality industry and many curve balls. After the past year, Ginny thought she could deal with anything so long as it meant a job. Little did she know that ‘curve balls’ was meant in a more metaphysical than metaphorical sense.
Daphne Ambrosia knows an honest soul when she sees one. Even if that soul is flustered and has no hospitality experience to speak of, a soul like Ginny’s is exactly what is needed to keep the Dark Horse Inn from falling apart at the seams.
Employment and housing secure Ginny starts to relax when everything begins going wrong. Daphne skips town and leaves Ginny in charge of the inn, its demanding guests, and stopping local hellions determined to do her a mischief. And to top it off the inn is plagued by storms – only what’s falling from the sky isn’t water. With Daphne gone, Ginny’s only help is the wizard/handyman/resident pain in the ass, and a cat who dispenses cryptic advice – a week prior and Ginny would have thought a talking cat was the weird part, but that was before she met the guests and life started getting stranger than fiction.
In "Shattered Lens," Catherine Winter is sucked into the dark and dirty shadows of Hollywood’s entertainment elite when her investigation into the stalking of two young print models becomes distorted and out of focus. Murder, pornography, illicit drugs, and blackmail color the view in Catherine’s determined search for truth.
Thanks, Jessica for any comments.
When a stranger dressed in the remnants of a Confederate uniform rides up seeking water for his travel-weary horse, Maggie McCormac greets him with a shotgun. She’s seen too many strangers on the Four Eights lately and all of them have been bad news, thanks to her late husband’s no-good, if genteel, brother. Ethan McCormac wants both the Texas ranch and its widow, and Maggie is determined he’ll own neither one. Of course, hanging onto the spread with the help of only her fourteen-year-old daughter and the handful of saddle tramps Ethan hasn’t run off or killed is more of a challenge than even Maggie’s checkered past prepared her to handle. Maybe the man with the startlingly blue eyes and the cultured Southern manner is the answer to a prayer.
Thanks for offering to critique some of these, Jessica! Happy holidays
One mistake three years ago, and Noah Cole's life imploded. Today, he's still in the protection business, providing private security for corporate executives in Baghdad, and he hasn't slipped up since. Until Kenneth Acheson is snatched from his fingertips and Cole finds himself reliving the same nightmare -- searching, begging, praying that this time, what he finds won't be a mangled body. When Cole's search leads him to a reporter who's keeping more secrets than she's telling, who might just hold the key to both cases, he's willing to sacrifice anything to redeem himself and find the truth -- even the pretty reporter who's somehow worked his way her way into his heart.
Happy holidays, Jessica.
An unlikely partnership between a man who writes briefs and a woman who sells them becomes seriously sexy business when she retains him as her lawyer…and her lover.
Roxanne Eberly opens a lingerie boutique, hell bent on success after childhood learning disabilities earned her the label of “Least Likely to Succeed.” When she’s sued by a former employer, Roxanne seeks help from Jamie Wright, an attorney with ambitions of becoming his law firm’s youngest partner. Unfortunately, the firm has an unwritten rule about the prerequisite for partnership—a suitable spouse. Jamie’s career is jeopardized because the only woman he wants is Roxanne, and neither she nor his firm believes a woman who peddles panties and prophylactics is a good match for a prominent urban attorney.
Murder is a dirty business, as baby boomer Cecelia “Sissy” Cavanaugh is about to find out. Her cushy lifestyle is on the verge of collapse after her husband leaves her for his sexy, young assistant. Sissy has two options: take a handout from her manipulative mother-in-law or get a job.
When investigators name her daughter’s friend, Kim, as a murder suspect, Sissy unknowingly hires on to clean the crime scene. After a few false starts, she embarks on a mission to find evidence that will clear Kim. Along the way, she bumps heads and hearts with an attractive and very eligible detective.
MURDER IS A DIRTY BUSINESS, explores how a pampered woman learns self-reliance on a personal and emotional level while learning that crime does indeed pay.
Jessica,
I really appreciate this. I've learned so much already.
Here is the pitch to my YA Fantasy novel,
Isis has spent her whole life wanting to be normal. Until she is assigned a history project with Dane who is convinced that she is gifted, and draws Isis out of her normal world. Dane introduces Isis to a world of two magical groups, each vying for control of the other. She finds the explanation for the strange events of her childhood and a place where she may fit in. Then Isis’s cousin, Kalli, shows up to recruit her for the other side, and Isis finds herself in the midst of a battle with herself as the prize. Isis’s powers go beyond the extraordinary, and the fate of both groups rests entirely in her decision.
"Go Small or Go Home", commercial women's fiction, 84,000 words
Tess, a massage therapist and aspiring artist of miniature dioramas, takes a job massaging stressed but attractive hockey star Forrest. Her art career soars thanks to Forrest's gallery-owning mother, but her creativity plummets under the weight of rules and deadlines, and soon she's losing the freedom and joy she'd always found in her art. Tess must decide whether having the career she longs for is worth losing doing her art her way, or whether somehow she can have both at once.
Thanks for doing this!
Hi Jessica,
Thanks for doing these - reading your critiques has been extremely helpful!
Nowhere to Run, Romantic Suspense, 96,000 words:
Noah Cole is an expert at protecting people – except that one mistake, three years ago, which still haunts him in quiet moments. But his careful attempts to move past it implode when his corporate executive client is snatched from his fingertips. Cole finds himself reliving the same nightmare, once again in the position of searching, begging, praying that what he finds this time will not be a mangled body. When his search leads him to a reporter who’s keeping more secrets than she’s telling – who might hold the key to both cases – he’ll sacrifice anything to expose one corporation’s greed. But in his search for redemption, what he’s required to sacrifice might just be the pretty reporter who has somehow sneaked her way into his heart.
Twenty-three-year-old Maive feels lost when her life-loving father dies. Inspired by his memory, she decides to live her dream of traveling and find a better life as a flight attendant at small, low paying airline in Charlotte, North Carolina.
Maive spends a few months traveling, dating and living an American dream of a wanderer. Things seem to go perfectly until a plane crash leaves a man dead in her arms. The crash forces her to realize she hasn’t gotten over her father’s death and that she feels even more lost than when she left home.
In a panic, she leaves for New Jersey and sets off on a dangerous path that puts her spirit and, eventually, her life at stake.
Women's Fiction: 90,000 words
William Colegrove should be dead but instead will now live for forever with abilities that should be impossible.
Following a near fatal attack, William is able to do things that should be impossible. His body is changed but he has no idea what he has changed into. But when these new abilities cause him to nearly kill his younger brother he is forced to leave his home and everything he knows and loves to try and figure out what he has become. Along the way he is forced into the task of assassinating the crowned Prince of England and eventually meets a strange child who seems to know his future and the terrible things that it holds. He comes to learn that he has become an Ever, one of a small population of beings who never sleep, never eat, move at impossible speeds, have unlimited strength, are nearly indestructible, and most importantly, live forever. In essence he has become the epitome of perfection without limitations or restrictions. But can he come to terms with this new life or will he destroy himself from the inside out?
Ever Burning is a 72,000 word Fantasy.
Jessica,
Thank you for the opportunity to see if my pitch could intrigue an agent to ask for more.
This is for a young middle-grade (tween?) novel:
Once the top dancer in her Nevada ballet class, aspiring ballerina Melissa, 10, now faces a new dance studio, a new school, a new life in Southern California. At the new studio, Melissa encounters a rival unlike anyone she's met before: eleven-year-old Jade. Jade's dances with grace and skill, which bolster her stuck-up attitude. By accident, Melissa bumps into Jade during a simple exercise, and Jade tells her off. Melissa tries to be her friend, but Jade mocks Melissa's training . When the teacher's back is turned, Jade trips Melissa on purpose. Jade's snide comments are accompanied by their classmates' laughter. Angered, Melissa vows to outshine her rival whenever possible.
Then their teacher challenges both to tryout for a solo at the upcoming recital. For the winner, it's a spot onstage to shine. For the loser, she'll be one among the twenty in a class dance. This tryout could be Melissa's chance to settle the question of who is best.
Contemporary western with strong romantic elements:
Brit Moonchaser is a loaded gun without a safety. Rancher Em Roark doesn’t need to see the scars that crisscross his skin to be reminded how dangerous he can be. When the Apache reappears ten years after she fired him, she can’t help being chilled by memories of the hair-trigger temper that sent him to an Arizona prison, and Em just doesn’t need the aggravation. Her late brother’s family is pressuring her to sell Ghost Shadow Ranch, the Roarks’ declining legacy, just when she’s most confused about her relationship with her childhood sweetheart, who’s now the local sheriff.
As Brit’s brutal history catches up with him, the echoes sweep all of them into a desert whirlwind that may never settle. Ghosts of the past and treachery in the present threaten their lives and futures while pitting two determined men against each other, one haunted man against himself, and one tough, independent woman against both of them.
Thanks for giving us this opportunity! :-)
When Jake, a blue collar politician from Wisconsin, discovers his family went bankrupt because of his wife’s uncle—a veteran Senator—he decides the only way to get even is to run for Senate against him and his wife’s wishes. Victory seems possible when Jake’s best friend, Grant Emerson, a blue-blooded businessman- turned political reporter receives a tip about the corrupt Senator that could ruin his career. However, when Jake’s wife delivers him a delicate ultimatum and Grant follows his tip to a foreign country and a surprising end, Jake is forced to reevaluate his lifelong dream, cherished friendship, and beloved family and decide: Will he become the man he should be or remain the man he wants to be?
“No hablo ingles sufficiente!” Carlos tells his aunt. Carlos has just arrived in Wisconsin and has very little English How will Carlos, a native Spanish speaker, learn English fast enough to understand a new soccer coach and teammates as he tries out for the local team?. His family is no help at all. His sister is lost in her own world as she prepares for her Quincinera. Alberto and Alejandro, his four year old twin brothers cause chaos everywhere they go. His father is too busy with his new landscaping business to help Carlos and expects Carlos to help with the family household duties. Carlos finds a new friend in Kong, another non English speaker on the soccer team. Join Carlos and Kong as together they embark on a journey not only to learn English, but to find their place on the soccer team.
Lisa Endicott 2008
A man who thinks he's losing his soul meets a man who has.
Detective Michael Bailey is a ruined man. He can’t escape the murders that took place under his watch years ago, the hellhound that mutilates his nights, or a man possessed by a forgotten god who threatens the city.
As new murders occur that echo the past and strange storms threaten to destroy his city, Michael Bailey’s salvation may rest with the last of the Norse gods.
The Green Dragoon - Historical Fantasy - 94,000 words
Antiques seller and genealogist Lena Grève is none too happy to find herself in 1776 New Jersey, caught in the crosshairs of guerrilla warfare between the Continentals and the British in the dead of winter with a cranky time-traveler and no parka.
Malcolm, the temperamental, era-hopping Traveler who's forcing Lena to tag along so that he can collect a crown land grant from her ancestors, follows no rules but those he chooses to, and he's the least of her worries. Their afternoon jaunt into the eighteenth century results in victory for the British in the American Revolution.
One rule Malcolm does follow: you break it, you fix it.
She and Malcolm must race against time to prevent one British dragoon from murdering one of his fellow officers, the pivotal event their actions set in motion four years earlier. But they'd better work fast, before unjust laws and the ruthless dragoon's machinations trap Lena in the past forever...
Memoir: Foreigner, Auntie
They say you never forget your first love. For me, I never forgot that first Chinese pictograph I fell in love with: 家. This character, meaning home, shows a roof over the ancient Chinese representation for pig. In ancient China, every home had a pig. These few brushstrokes reveal the essence of “home” in a way no phonetic language ever could.
I determined that one day I would live in this culture whose language allowed me a portal into ancient China. This I finally did in 2006, taking along my husband and three young children, one of whom we had adopted from China.
Our family landed in Tai’an, a small city nestled in the countryside about midway between Beijing and Shanghai. We had to navigate the bookend levels of China’s education system: my husband and I teaching at the local university facing classrooms of quiet students who rarely raised their hands, and our three creative, independent (and loud) American children chafing in their kindergarten, the first rung in society’s efforts to ensure conformity.
But my first love was the Chinese language, which I studied assiduously. As I made progress in the language, I finally got the confidence to contact the peasant family who fostered our daughter before we adopted her, and get to know these people who had loved her before we did. I was also able to communicate on a deeper level with our beloved doorman/super/minder. And to discover that he was an anti-aircraft gunner shooting down American planes in Vietnam, at the very time my father served in Vietnam flying in those very planes. Each new pictograph I learned opened up the culture, but also the people, until China itself became my “home.”
Thanks for the opportunity, Jessica.
While bedding 90 women in 90 days may seem an ambitious goal to even the most dedicated ladies man, Anthony Blaise is up to the challenge, and in fact surpasses his ego-driven objective. The real fun, however, begins almost five years later when Blaise—ready to settle down with a devoted fiancé who shares his aversion to children—is methodically, and independently, confronted by 30 of his former conquests, each claiming him as the father of her four-year-old darling.
Who’s Your Mommy? chronicles the hilarious exploits of an unabashed womanizer as he is yanked, scratching and clawing, into unexpected fatherhood(s) and realizes that it’s all fun and games until 30 women get pregnant.
Peace,
Dennis
It all began, as things often do in Italy, with a bottle of wine. One small verbal faux pas in a restaurant becomes the life-changing moment for the protagonist, an American woman on an unexpected and unwanted vacation in Italy. Not even aware that she was in desparate need of a life, she finds one in la bella Italia anyway, with the help of an old man in a castle, a fisherman, a banker, a girl with purple lips, a guy she’s seen only on a webcam, and others.
Taking place primarily in the rural hills of Tuscany and an enchanting little village on a lake, as well as other locations in Italy that her travels bring her to, the book is a story of the little moments, mystical, sublime, and magical, that can transform us if we allow them to.
Part travelogue, part love story, told in a series of vignettes, each of which is a lovely story unto itself, not unlike in the film Love Actually, we eventually see that the characters and short stories are intertwined together, woven together, and they create a beautiful new tapestry of a life for her.
Written in both English and Italian, semi-autobiographical, life, love, learning.
Thank You!
You Don’t Know Who You’re F@#king With: One Family’s Brush with Terror details my family’s very real ordeal with our former landlords who have ties to Hamas, a known terrorist organization. Though the father/son duo’s illegal activities, and subsequent convictions, have been recounted in various newspapers, most of the published information is superficial, and does not reflect the fear these two men evoked in our community.
You Don’t Know Who You’re F@#king With ¬– the title is a phrase the son often used and it turns out he was correct – will grab and entertain readers with true experiences, from the moment I unwittingly signed a blank lease in August 1999, through the ugly, often scary eviction process, to my nervous testimony in federal court regarding the 42-count indictment charging the men with conspiracy, bank fraud, mail fraud, wire fraud, Social Security fraud, insurance fraud, money laundering, failure to file income tax returns and being felons in possession of firearms and ammunition. In addition, the son was later convicted of attempting to bribe a juror, and specific documents and testimony suggest both men encouraged terrorist activity.
Truthfully, I waited until now to develop this project out of concern for my family’s safety. Now that these men are in federal prison for at least eight years and likely face eventual deportation, I feel compelled to finally tell this story.
This is a pitch for SHIMMER, the YA novel I’ll be sending out to agents in the New Year (BTW, I'm a British writer and wish, wish, wish UK agents would do blog pitch critiques like this too. Thanks for the opportunity!) :
Watching a horse gallop down a deserted shopping centre wasn’t quite how Tori Hamilton imagined spending the first hour of her sixteenth birthday. When the horse begins to shimmer and, moments later, is replaced by a boy, all thoughts of her sixteenth birthday disappear.
SHIMMER tells the story of a young girl whose life changes when she meets Cam Chase, a shapeshifter who can morph into any person or animal he comes into contact with. As Tori falls in love with Cam, she finds out more about the world of shapeshifters, including the difficulties he faces when trying to control his abilities – there’s nothing like morphing into your girlfriend’s dad to ruin the moment! Events start spiralling out of control when Tori discovers her father works for Altus, the Government agency that seeks to capture shapeshifters. With Altus fast on their heels, Tori and Cam go on the run to the atmospheric Isle of Skye cottage owned by Cam’s parents. Their journey and the time they spend at the cottage will test their relationship and Cam’s abilities as Altus finally catches up with them...
WWW.DEDPRODUCT.COM SAYS, love this post man, that's how you step up to the plate, you know. Stop by sometime ok, comment on my page, peace.
George Armstrong Custer once seemed invincible. Fearless, victorious, at twenty four they called him America’s Napoleon. But the Civil War’s been finished for years, and, fallen on harder times, the general faces a life of obscurity. His final chance for greatness is a crushing win over the Sioux.
Opposing him is tribal chief Crazy Horse, an inward, quiet, yet ferocious warrior with a pledge to revenge a dead brother. Between Crazy Horse and Custer is the aging Chief Red Cloud, who bears ridicule and shame to forge a third way of peace and compromise.
Little Big Horn is one part historical fiction, one part myth. Characters visit with the ghosts of the dead, pray to and get guidance from angels, and also battle rivers, winds and seasons in a haunted western landscape. All the while, they march inexorably to the 1876 battle, where the future of both nations will be cast.
In the last measure, it’s a story of one man’s unquenchable ambition, and the joy and grief it leaves in its wake.
Little Big Horn, historical fiction, 90,000 words
Rome, 382 A.D. When incurably inquisitive Cellina, daughter of a pagan senator and his Christian wife, begins her studies with the fiery, irascible future Saint Jerome, little does she know the curriculum will include conspiracy and death. For Jerome's new patron is Bishop Damasus of Rome, a man stained with innocent blood. Or so his enemies say.
In the wake of Jerome's arrival from the deserts of the East, an old feud over the bishop's succession bubbles to the surface. Damasus receives threatening letters. An archdeacon is slain. Sixteen years after the deadly riots that marked his election, the Bishop senses his old foes at work and orders Jerome to investigate. When Cellina discovers her father's secretary delivering secret messages to the bishop's palace, Jerome has the clue he needs to unravel the conspiracy. But now Cellina fears her curiosity will cost her father his position in the Senate--and perhaps even his life.
WINDS FROM THE EAST (81,000 words) is a historical mystery that will appeal to fans of Sharan Newman and Alan Gordon.
FRANNIE FREEMAN, a software training specialist for Harper & Lyttle, Inc. with a penchant for embarrassing, public mishaps and no filter between brain and mouth, is in love with her boss SAM, who is married to the vile MALIA (aka Malaria). When Sam suddenly confesses that he believes he was roofied the night he married Malia, Frannie can’t believe her luck. And you know what they say: If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. A quick divorce seems the ticket. But Malia doesn’t want one, and she’ll do anything to stop Sam from filing—even blackmail her own father, the HARPER of Harper & Lyttle. Desperate to save his hide, Harper charges into the situation and lays down ultimatums. If Sam files anyway or if he and Frannie leave the company to escape the ultimatum, Frannie will be accused of sabotaging important, expensive software and Harper will make sure that the only bars she’ll see for many years won’t be offering tequila. Frannie makes a desperate gamble to win her man. And if along the way she learns about extending forgiveness and risking everything to follow her heart, just call it a healthy dose of quinine.
OFFICE POLITICS is women's fiction and is complete at 72,600 words.
I'm sorry your holiday plans fell through! Thanks so much for doing this!
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Frank Birch lost his sister in the first night of the London Blitz--and he lost his arm trying to protect her. Months later, he only wants to spend his days drunk in an Anderson shelter until some German shell inevitably ends it all.
Then he finds Albreda, waifish and shell-shocked in the ruins of St. Aubrey's church. She has no home to return to...and she claims she's here to kill a man. She's crazy, of course. But as a trail of murder and torment come closer and closer to home, Frank must confront impossible darkness--and decide what he will sacrifice to stop it.
Gina Slater always expected her sins to catch up with her. She just didn’t know it would be today.
All Gina wants is to get out of town before the New Year’ Eve wedding between her ex-boyfriend and evil half-sister. There’s only one problem - the bracelet she stole to help finance her trip won’t come off her wrist. Turns out the bracelet is more than a pretty piece of silver – it’s a tag used to identify demons. As the daughter of a serial killer Gina isn’t exactly surprised to find out that she might be less than human, however the truth turns out to be more complicated than this. Now with the handsome half-demon creator of the tag trying to protect her, the woman who took over Hell trying to kill her, and Christian demon-fighters wanting to remove her left eye to save her – Gina needs to find out what is going on and who she can trust if she’s going to live to see the new year.
Mercy's not just another combat pilot in the Commonwealth civil war. She's a telepath - an outlawed Talent she has to keep secret, or she'll be exiled from the very civilization she's fighting to save. Everyone knows exile is a death sentence--or they did, until the ship Mercy's stationed on finds a lost, derelict vessel. As it turns out, the Nemesis is crewed by pirates now, descendants of the men and women exiled centuries ago for the very Talent Mercy possesses. And they've been looking for her.
Mercy's the missing granddaughter of their dead Queen, last in a line of powerful telepathic women, wiped out by a deadly virus that only attacks the Talented. Now, she's meeting a family she never knew she had. But half of her new 'cousins' want to use her, and the other half, to kill her. Worse, her own government is responsible for unleashing the virus on the pirates, in a deliberate attempt at genocide that may still succeed. Mercy has to choose a side. Either she helps the pirates take what – and who – they need to survive, or she remains loyal to the Commonwealth that wants them destroyed. Mercy doesn't know who to trust. And on a ship full of telepaths, secrets are the most dangerous currency.
~~
Thanks!
hi there
Just a day or so ago you were kind enough to comment on a query I sent you.
So I thought I would rewrite and see if I could do a better job!
thanks for doing this Jessica...I am learning a lot regardless of whether my pitch is chosen.
Redemption: Psychological Thriller
Ian Templeton, Psychologist and Profiler knows the "accidental" deaths of child abusers are the work of a serial killer. First he has to convince the police; then he has to find a killer who leaves no evidence and is different from any killer he has come across before. His insights suggest the killer has his "day job" of killing freed criminals -- and a more perverse, personal type of killing. And Ian's desperate plan to catch the killer makes him the next target for the killer's personal kill list.
now, one of the difficulties I am having writing a pitch is that the book is in Ian's voice AND in the killer's voice, so I thought I would try a pitch showing the killer as the main character instead...would welcome your thoughts on this!
Cathy Williams has always believed in doing the right thing; being a good person. When she was 10, she killed her mother, made her own favourite packed lunch, and had a great day at school. When she was 18, she watched her rapist fall under a subway train and die. But doing the right thing is killing her, along with too many other people, and she can't find a way to stop. Only Ian Templeton can help her. But he is the profiler trying to catch her. And she can't allow that to happen...
Sheri J
Swan Song
Lily March has hit a plateau in her life. It isn’t until she takes the advice of her psychologist friend and begins journaling that she falls off her plateau and into the destined journey she’s been avoiding since 1940. She will not die, she refuses to love her own kind, is running from her past, and has dreamt of her own swan song ever since—until she meets Sam. Life is better, but conflicted...she is a monster among humans and Sam, well, he’s human. Ignoring rules and guidelines, Lily releases her still heart until her past finds her again. A past that not only threatens to destroy Lily, but also the man she has come to love.
Burdened since birth, after a lifetime of trauma and plagued with haunting visions of children that could never be hers, the real challenge began as Somer Brisko is taken to the Land of Molior; her role in a horrific fable is revealed. She is destined to become the Maiden of the Song, her gift, her pain, her demise the lands will stand.
Maiden of the Song, is a fantasy fiction tale involving a young woman named Somer who is forced to evolve from high school adolescence to battle worn woman of grace and mother of the future king of Molior. Somer had been injured at a very young age that robbed her of the right to bare children. As she enters womanhood strange things begin to happen that results in the arrival of a magical land called Molior. Written towards mature teen and adult readers, the story has nice character progression and action that will keep readers interested. Completed work includes 136,000 words.
Thrown into a hostile environment without warning, Somer must survive as her reality collapses. Her unconscious body lies waiting to be discovered in the real world, the new Somer emerges in a strange land, full of breath-taking magic and terrifying creatures. Could the visions that had been driving her insane, now be considered a sign? She wonders now while standing before the enormous castle gates to the City of Molior. Two weeks ago, Somer would have laughed at the idea of having children now, but as her new companion named Krojac, whom looked very much like a frog, escorted her to see his King, Somer was not certain of anything.
I am sorry if I wasn't supposed to post a second time. I am finding this exercise so interesting and helpful whether I get critiqued or not but I would appreciate any thoughts about the pitch.
My fantasy, The Yellow Trolley, is in process. I see it as Young Adult but it has gotten very dark so what it is exactly I'm not sure.
Marcia Keyser
Matilda’s world is terrifying: the classroom clock talks; her home harbors frightening memories and a recurring nightmare of two shadowy figures fighting haunts her dreams. Grandfather, her only friend, is not the same, he will never be the same again. She retreats into a dangerous part of her mind where she forgets everything. Then her notebook comes to life with a frightening series of images. An evil sprite named Stitch says the images show that she is to fight a beast called the Chimera and that she will die. Grandfather as he used to be comes for her on The Yellow Trolley, the trolley crashes on a strange place called Nowhere and an old man winds clocks backwards to give her more time.
Jessica, this is a great Holiday treat. Thank you.
When Alex and his two brothers decide they have had enough and must run away, they get some much-needed help from a half man, half black dragon and a grumpy deteriorating house fairy. That is only the start of Alex’ battle as he enters his new friend’s world and must learn to accept help from others and what being a friend really means.
Tarrah Mann was fathered by a Demon and her human family has spent the last eighteen years making sure she never forgets it. When she finally escapes from the torture and captivity she quickly learns surviving in the real world isn’t that easy. Whether by luck, or the Creator's divine intervention, Tarrah meets Zoë, a petty thief with a soft spot for runaways. Zoë takes Tarrah in and the two of them become fast friends as Zoë trains Tarrah in the ‘art’ of thievery. Unfortunately, Tarrah's family, both Demon and human, have hunted her down. Now, Tarrah must decide whether she fights for her new life and friends, putting everyone at risk, or runs, knowing if she starts running now she'll never be able to stop.
Until she opens a door to see a man being strangled, Susanna Shepherd's worst fear had been the embarrassment her inadequate Polish was sure to cause her. It is summer's end, 1992, in Krakow, where Susanna is beginning her first week as a Fulbright Scholar. Elated to have won the appointment and cautiously optimistic about the attentions of fellow Fulbrighter Arthur Michaels, she conscientiously sets out for the language lab but spends the evening instead being interviewed by Inspector Skurzak. He makes her his chief suspect. Polish jails are still notorious. Determined to clear both her name and the reputation of the Fulbright venture, Susanna is about to learn that working for mutual understanding among nations can open closed doors on Cold War nightmares, on family vengeance, and on corrupting capitalistic ventures.
Pseftis cared for Leonard the way a candyman in a blacked out van cared for the souls of eight year olds. Praeses, however, genuinely care for Leonard, his wife, and their newborn child - not just as proof of his father's claim that was previously validated via a previous "object of hostility." Leonard knew nothing of the existence of Praeses and Pseftis, only the Answer Ladies (later to be dubbed the Crossing Guards and then the Bailiffs) who, in their perfect sense of timing, had shown up at his door one Saturday morning with mouths full of blinding truths that would persuade him to pull the P99 out of his that morning. The duplicitous act of opening a door for the Answer Ladies brought Praeses and Pseftis into his life, and the gun would spend every other day set to safety after that. Every other day until he was tested by way of the death of Leigh, their six week old daughter. Praeses knew the death was coming, he knew that Pseftis would use the oldest trick in the book, the Trojan Horse of a newborn child’s death to break apart a family, a truth, and more importantly, a man and his post-natal faith in something he recognized as God.
Jessica has always found it easier to run than face any problems. So, when her life went sour, she decided to get away from her family, friends and the place she grew up, and once dreamed of living. When she needs to return home due to her beloved father being diagnosed with a terminal illness, she gets swallowed into a deep hole of new and old issues. From her sick father, a terrible relationship with her mother, that damn bartender who makes her feel a way she never wanted to again and the guy that seems to have caught her mothers eye, she just wants to run and hide, but knows it is time to grow up and face her issues.
Sure, they'd have to fool the press, the international art community and eight million New Yorkers--but it was only a little hoax. Until someone died.
On a lark, Margaux Williams, a struggling artist in New York City, agreed to her a crazy idea from an old friend, Fredrick. Their art hoax would be a good laugh and she'd get her career off the ground. But Margaux soon discovers that their hoax wasn't Fredrick's first such scheme--and his last fraud just got an old friend kidnapped.
The only likely suspect is Fredrick--who happens to be sleeping on Margaux's couch. But without proof, will Margaux be able to convince the police before she becomes Fredrick's next victim?
Thank you so much for doing this!
In my parents’ hometown during the Revolutionary War, thirteen women and their children were alone, with no men or guns, when they learned that General John Burgoyne and his army of seven thousand fully trained, fully armed men marched toward them. They escaped, barefoot, over the mountains of Vermont south to meet up with Colonel Seth Warner’s regiment and their town’s militia. The main character, the town’s midwife, leads her people during this two month period that encompasses the Battles of Hubbardton and of Bennington.
Laura
Thanks so much for this opportunity, Jessica! And happy new year!
Kristan
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THE GOOD DAUGHTERS
At the request of her sister Grace, sculptor Madeline Chen reluctantly puts her career on hold and returns to Houston to help care for the mother who disowned her. But Madeline brings with her an all-consuming grief for her late husband -- grief in the form of a vengeful spirit named Gui. As her mother’s health deteriorates, and Grace’s marriage falters, Madeline must decide whether to stay and help the loved ones who renounced her, or to put herself and her career first. Only one choice will satisfy Gui, and he’s willing to do anything to make sure Madeline obeys.
Your feedback would be invaluable to me. Thanks!
Growing up in a foster home nestled in an anonymous suburb of South Los Angeles, Cyrus Hart never expected much from himself. Sure, he has skin that fades to gray whenever he feels strong emotions, and strange miracles protect him anytime he’s faced with a threat, but does that make him special? Not if you consider his lackluster grades and inability to control his impulses. But then a magical book arrives via FedEx to let him in on a secret: Cyrus is the Hearth Tender, charged with protecting the flame that fuels all life on his home planet. Having the fate of a world in his hands does a lot to brighten his prospects. Now, if only he can deal with the local street thugs and find a way home….
Complete at 90,000 words, Soul Sorcery, the first in a trilogy, is a unique amalgamation of Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings, Nix’s Abhorsen Trilogy, and John Singleton’s Boyz N the Hood.
Katie’s life was slow and uneventful. Until one misty night when she was spirited away into the very game that she played to indulge her love of all things spooky. Where she found herself was a far cry from the safe board game of GhostHunt, where the ghosts and vampires were only on playing cards. Trapped in a world of werewolves, witches and undead creatures Katie had to become more daring and resourceful that she has ever been before. Winning a real life game of GhostHunt in this strange and dangerous world of haunted mansions, grave yards, ghosts and monsters was her only way home.
Sooner or later I'll get it right.
What do you get when Dirty Harry lives in a Seinfeld world? Monterey Madness.
Seeing the world from the outside gives the detective a perspective he never knew existed. His old obnoxious PI buddy solicits the help of a lesbian client, who gets help from a dominatrix girlfriend who uses the inside track of a submissive transvestite police bureaucrat. Together these unruly and social misfits help detective Shaw get to the bottom of what nobody else could find. Powerful people can pull big strings, but nothing stops a friend from saving your ass.
Jessica, thank you for sharing your time and expertise. I really need some suggestions!
ISLANDERS, 55,000-word tween novel
When Adelaide Jones falls overboard and washes up on the shore of an island in the Bermuda Triangle, the once-shy boarding school misfit discovers a mysterious land where dodo birds still exist, a misplaced celebrity hides from fame, and a crush-worthy boy struggles with an identity crisis even worse than her own. When the island's isolated society and whale colony on which it depends are threatened, Adelaide pushes her insecurities aside to prove what a teenage wallflower armed with new friends and a shot of self-confidence can do. But it isn't until her troubled past follows her to the island that Adelaide must make the ultimate choice--remain hidden in paradise, or return and embrace her true life.
I hope I'm not too late, but more than that - I hope I'm in the right place!
Thank you, so much.
Raising the neighbors’ feral orphan is a challenge, but Samantha Selby isn’t anxious to relinquish custody to Matt Logan when he says he’s the father of the child, Alexandria, who had been abducted nine years before. To prove his claim, Matt describes the orphan’s unique birthmark of clustered stars and a crescent moon. Samantha cannot dispute his claim, nor can she have authorities intervene because she buried the neighbors’ bodies thinking they were the parents.
She keeps the accidental deaths and the child’s existence secret because it's the only way she can teach the child some basic life skills. Otherwise, Samantha fears the girl will be deemed insane and placed in an institution with no chance of recovery. Matt’s sudden appearance threatens her future with the girl she had grown to love.
In the completed 75,000-word women’s fiction, The Stars and the Moon, Samantha and Matt are united in a single goal to civilize Alexandria. First confusing Matt’s professed love with gratitude, Samantha learns that he means it when he digs up the bodies and places them in their shack before torching it to erase evidence that she’d been there. Additionally, he saves her from the neighbors’ demented son seeking to recover Alexandria whom he had abducted and left with his parents’ while he served prison time for murder. At the funeral of the twice buried, once cremated couple, Samantha sees the irony – she saved Alexandria from an institution and Matt saved her from incarceration.
Happy New Year!
Thank you so much for your generosity.
Middle aged, and in denial of a severe depression with post traumatic stress disorder diagnosis, Nyima tries to dodge the dark cloud that has followed her from the East Coast to the West. Homeless again, she holds up in a motel retracing her experiences in California as she tries to restore stability. Up until now her faith in God has kept her from taking desperate measures, but now her faith is losing ground fast as she contemplates whether to push forward or step back. Meanwhile she’s haunted by previews of a recurrent nightmare threatening the reawakening of her repressed past.
Woman’s Fiction - 85,814 words
Happy New Year!
Thank you so much for your generosity.
Middle aged, and in denial of a severe depression with post traumatic stress disorder diagnosis, Nyima tries to dodge the dark cloud that has followed her from the East Coast to the West. Homeless again, she holds up in a motel retracing her experiences in California as she tries to restore stability. Up until now her faith in God has kept her from taking desperate measures, but now her faith is losing ground fast as she contemplates whether to push forward or step back. Meanwhile she’s haunted by previews of a recurrent nightmare threatening the reawakening of her repressed past.
Woman’s Fiction - 85,814 words
Happy New Year!
Thank you so much for your generosity.
Middle aged, and in denial of a severe depression with post traumatic stress disorder diagnosis, Nyima tries to dodge the dark cloud that has followed her from the East Coast to the West. Seven years later and homeless again, she holds up in a motel retracing her experiences in California as she tries to restore stability. Up until now her faith in God has kept her from taking desperate measures, but now her faith is losing ground fast as she contemplates whether to push forward or step back. Meanwhile she’s haunted by previews of a recurrent nightmare threatening the reawakening of her repressed past.
Woman’s Fiction - 85,814 words
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