tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post4332198995199500119..comments2023-11-02T06:57:11.400-04:00Comments on BookEnds Literary Agency: Workshop WednesdayBookEnds, A Literary Agencyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06287278822065839469noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-60524442789675010982014-11-14T19:21:06.081-05:002014-11-14T19:21:06.081-05:00Hello, my name is Miss faith, I'm from USA. I ...<br />Hello, my name is Miss faith, I'm from USA. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is genuine and real. I never really believed in any of these things but when I was losing Garvin, I needed help and somewhere to turn badly. I found consultant.odia spells and i ordered a LOVE SPELL. Several days later, my phone rang. Garvin was his old self again and wanted to come back to me! Not only come back, the spell caster opened him up to how much I loved and needed him. Spell Casting isn't brainwashing, but they opened his eyes to how much we have to share together. I recommend anyone who is in my old situation to try it. It will bring you a wonderful surprises as well as your lover back to you. The way things were meant to be." you can contact the spell caster on ogbonispelitemple@hotmail.com he's very nice and great.<br />Kellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09754926840157639790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-13738970713839248562011-04-29T23:57:47.509-04:002011-04-29T23:57:47.509-04:00I agree with Jessica. You need more plot info. I s...I agree with Jessica. You need more plot info. I submitted a query for fun to Miss Snark's blog and she wrote: "There is no plot. No dice." There was also no book, but there was a message and I got it. Here is a suggestion based on what I guess your plot might be:<br /><br />"Avery has a strange talent. She can hear the thoughts of others. She doesn't know what to do with this until she meets Sebastian, who has the same talent. Sebastian wins her trust and then convinces her to help him save the world."<br /><br />More detail would be in order, but since this is a guess I did not supply it. You do notice this implies your story is a thriller, that the heroes are gifted with paranormal powers, and even though I don't read this stuff, d**it I want to read yours.<br /><br />Get it published soon so I can.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-52232755045973724732011-04-28T08:47:50.513-04:002011-04-28T08:47:50.513-04:00As an agent, do you comment on grammar in a query?...As an agent, do you comment on grammar in a query?Keri Nealhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05074068718309107028noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-18852788786988731212011-04-27T18:58:29.939-04:002011-04-27T18:58:29.939-04:00The query is good, I get so many that aren't e...The query is good, I get so many that aren't even professionally written that they make this one sparkle.<br /><br />One should remember that your query should look professional, be proofread, and have a strong hook.S. A. Soule, Creativity Coachhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07345161433926665847noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-85731125344531736522011-04-27T18:17:45.358-04:002011-04-27T18:17:45.358-04:00As a reader and writer, I thought you have "s...As a reader and writer, I thought you have "something" with your story. One recommendation, you may take or ignore, is the second paragraph, reading it I didn't feel as if I was learning about the character and how the secret affected her. I have one thing to say, I want to know the secret!!! Good luck and happy writingsAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08095813546707627568noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-91420708225111606642011-04-27T18:09:01.490-04:002011-04-27T18:09:01.490-04:00I think this query is already pretty good, but wou...I think this query is already pretty good, but would be stronger with the edits suggested for the second paragraph, especially switching it around so we learn about her hearing everything first and then about her own powers. As it is now, the two seem really disconnected, and it's a bit disconcerting to go from the first paragraph about secrets to the part about rain and flowers and back to the voices/thoughts/secrets. All the other advice sounds like it could really boost this query to stellar, because it seems like you've got a good story and just had trouble picking what details to include in the query.Kristin Laughtinhttp://kristinlaughtin.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-82434778453592420882011-04-27T17:08:33.219-04:002011-04-27T17:08:33.219-04:00some = seem *head desk*some = seem *head desk*Phoenix Sullivanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03290349031002504007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-72943959225050925462011-04-27T17:06:12.880-04:002011-04-27T17:06:12.880-04:00I think I want to know what Avery DOES with her po...I think I want to know what Avery DOES with her power. And what types of secrets shouldn't be heard? It sounds like there's a setup here in the first paragraph that isn't followed through on. There's a bit of ominous hint to what she might be overhearing in that first paragraph. It doesn't just feel like it's the power that's the problem -- and that has to do with using the word "secrets" rather than "thoughts." If this word choice is intentional, then we really should know more about it as it does some integral to whatever plot there might be.<br /><br />Think about being sure whatever problem is brought up in the first paragraph is at least touched on in the last. That gives the reader a sense, not just of closure, but of authorial purpose.Phoenix Sullivanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03290349031002504007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-56893645141092988832011-04-27T15:58:43.307-04:002011-04-27T15:58:43.307-04:00Jessica, thank you for the clarification on the ba...Jessica, thank you for the clarification on the balance of plot and character.Laila Knighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08430076999393883312noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-48889257402965781812011-04-27T15:09:50.397-04:002011-04-27T15:09:50.397-04:00My concern is totally different. If Avery can hear...My concern is totally different. If Avery can hear everyone's thoughts, how come she can't just "listen" to Sebastian's thoughts and know whether he's legit? <br /><br />Maybe if you remove the part that tells about Sebastian knowing all about powers and show that he's the first person that Avery can't "hear". That's why she's willing to risk her hard won safety and open up to him. <br /><br />Or whatever. <br /><br />Because if she can hear everyone's thoughts, and can't tell if he's a bad guy, that looks like a huge plot problem to me.Touch of Inkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13551995840395409781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-15140448400409516582011-04-27T14:44:41.050-04:002011-04-27T14:44:41.050-04:00Jessica, today's workshop was very useful. I&#...Jessica, today's workshop was very useful. I'll bear in mind what you said about balance between characters and plot. Thanks for the advice, and thanks to the writer for sharing!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-19845609159820226222011-04-27T14:20:53.151-04:002011-04-27T14:20:53.151-04:00It is very hard to get the balance between informa...It is very hard to get the balance between information needed in a query and what you can skip on. Here I got it completely. Note taken. I think the hardest part is being concise and not seeming like you "tried to hard".Whimsical Prompt and Other Musings.https://www.blogger.com/profile/05692544989887688567noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-42264565870256575592011-04-27T12:02:45.166-04:002011-04-27T12:02:45.166-04:00It's cool to see a query being workshopped tha...It's cool to see a query being workshopped that gets such a positive reaction. This one seems like it's just a tweak or two away from being *awesome*.<br /><br />Also, if Spyder gets snatched up, it's exactly the sort of book I love to read! Best of luck to the author :).Rebecca Knighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15214077952378770753noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-41795129669545501462011-04-27T11:38:36.788-04:002011-04-27T11:38:36.788-04:00Laila:
Be careful that you aren't making assu...Laila:<br /><br />Be careful that you aren't making assumptions on what agents want based on one critique and be careful that you don't assume all agents want the same thing. I want a balance of plot and character. I want to know what's gong to draw readers to the book and it's going to take both. If a query is all plot I'm going to assume there's no character in there.<br /><br />--jhfBookEnds, A Literary Agencyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06287278822065839469noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-47125089974504185132011-04-27T11:04:18.695-04:002011-04-27T11:04:18.695-04:00Clearly I wouldn't make it as an agent. I thi...Clearly I wouldn't make it as an agent. I think that story sounds adorable, and I wouldn't mind the extra information. So what I'm getting here is that agents prefer to see more about the plot and less about the characters.<br /><br />Thanks.Laila Knighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08430076999393883312noreply@blogger.com