tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post5152404562738207906..comments2023-11-02T06:57:11.400-04:00Comments on BookEnds Literary Agency: Workshop WednesdayBookEnds, A Literary Agencyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06287278822065839469noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-90119072862958893892011-07-29T11:04:56.777-04:002011-07-29T11:04:56.777-04:00There's a problem with the story, I think. The...There's a problem with the story, I think. The author mentions "hidden passageways beneath the city of Venice", but it seems there are no underground passageways in Venice because "as the town rises on wood piles in the middle of the saltwater Venetian Lagoon. There is no room for underground chambers or passages, and only a few buildings have a basement", according to the head of the Archaeological Superintendence of Veneto in an article on the NatGeo site: http://science.nationalgeographic.com/science/archaeology/rome-catacombs/. Thank you for your critiques, Jessica. They are very useful.Ceridwen Taliesinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11447235590042279787noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-37100296921837203122011-07-28T03:42:09.893-04:002011-07-28T03:42:09.893-04:00@ Jessica - I'm glad to hear the above...I hav...@ Jessica - I'm glad to hear the above...I have a few agents that I am querying specifically because they represent clients who I feel carry the same voice (not necessarily genre/subject matter) in their writing as I do. I feel that if they liked writer X's style, they would probably be a good fit for mine as well.Lorendahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17874101070837077093noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-34253345191731299022011-07-27T18:37:52.605-04:002011-07-27T18:37:52.605-04:00Just to add to my comment direct at Beth and Danie...Just to add to my comment direct at Beth and Danielle, I recently had someone query me who looked up the acquisitions I had made at Harlequin, and said she was querying me because of a few specific acquisitions. She clearly had to do a little digging for that information, but the books she cited were somewhat similar to her story, so it felt genuine. In her case, I appreciated it and wouldn't have suggested she remove it from her query.Jessica Alvarezhttp://www.bookends-inc.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-19757597219771263222011-07-27T18:33:25.805-04:002011-07-27T18:33:25.805-04:00@Beth and @Danielle, maybe this is a personal pref...@Beth and @Danielle, maybe this is a personal preference of mine, I'm not sure. If you're genuinely querying me because you're one of my author's biggest fans, sure, tell me. But if you're just picking a random fact out of my bio to show you've done your research, I can usually tell (or will suspect) it's insincere. It won't cause me to reject you, but it's not adding anything to your query for me. In this particular query, the personalized comment was vague, and, really, not all that personal--it probably could have been used for any agent specializing in YA.Jessica Alvarezhttp://www.bookends-inc.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-57494802678356812822011-07-27T16:57:59.406-04:002011-07-27T16:57:59.406-04:00My question is the same as Beth's. So many tim...My question is the same as Beth's. So many times we read that agents don't want to feel like a "number" anymore than writers do. They want to know that they've been queried for a specific reason and that writers have done their homework before querying. Is this just a personal preference or something you've heard from other agents as well?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-78789511086368044142011-07-27T16:13:49.756-04:002011-07-27T16:13:49.756-04:00I'm going to go out on a limb here and say the...I'm going to go out on a limb here and say the dad's the one who kidnapped the mom...that's what will "tear their family apart," a cliche which I despise.Laurahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15725049899131699912noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-4044387917833418912011-07-27T15:57:12.380-04:002011-07-27T15:57:12.380-04:00Jessica, I notice you said you don't care why ...Jessica, I notice you said you don't care why we query you, and that people referring to your bio feels phony. (I'm sure it does, it feels weird to write too). But you always hear you have to have a research paragraph. How do you do this if you're not supposed to refer to generally available knowledge?Bethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09962862566388212238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-21577387147886003692011-07-27T12:20:13.074-04:002011-07-27T12:20:13.074-04:00The "hidden passageways beneath the city of V...The "hidden passageways beneath the city of Venice" would be submerged by the lagoon. I wonder if they swim through like frogmen. it could be interesting.angie Brooksby-Arcangiolihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08000615140577512304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-75957412535501501292011-07-27T11:24:17.981-04:002011-07-27T11:24:17.981-04:00The query switches tenses from 2nd person to third...The query switches tenses from 2nd person to third. You go from the "you/your" 2nd person to "they/their" 3rd.Triciahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15252733129326920169noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-10764951374305848352011-07-27T11:23:28.180-04:002011-07-27T11:23:28.180-04:00Also, the use of hypothetical questions definitely...Also, the use of hypothetical questions definitely seems to be a common issue. I think they're understandably tempting for writers - after all, authors want readers to relate to the story, to put themselves into the characters' shoes. At the same time, they can be oddly annoying to readers.<br /><br />I think the problem might be that a really good story (and really good characters) appeals to people for different reasons, and I suspect that authors don't always know what those reasons might be. Take Bilbo Baggins. One person might relate to him because they feel like they are trapped in a shlubby, boring life and they wish an adventure would fall on their doorstep. Another person might relate to the feeling of being torn away from everything that was comfortable and trying to make the best of it. Another person might relate to Bilbo because of a shared love of food. Yet another might find him rather pathetic and whiny, but love the story in spite of it. Same character, but very different perspectives.<br /><br />The problem with hypothetical questions, then, is that they narrow the perspective to a single angle rather than leaving it open for the reader to decide what appeals to them. Plus, I think they often contain subtle judgments indicating how we ought to react along with assumptions about our situation, as you point out with the question about the mother being kidnapped. Readers want to decide for themselves how they view a story, not be told.Meg Spencerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15709958839760304045noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-33450930430527629782011-07-27T11:21:54.455-04:002011-07-27T11:21:54.455-04:00Thank you for the analysis; your commentary is ext...Thank you for the analysis; your commentary is extremely useful for someone like me who is headed toward the query stage early next month. <br /><br />Oooh, you like kumquats? I should definitely seek to work with you! (just kidding...I probably will query you, but not because of kumquats)The Other Stephen Kinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14471972807328125155noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-37981454015201273422011-07-27T11:08:32.990-04:002011-07-27T11:08:32.990-04:00This seems like one of those ones that's almos...This seems like one of those ones that's almost but not quite there. Good luck! I'd definitely want clarification of whether there are paranormal/fantasy elements to the story.Meg Spencerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15709958839760304045noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-83344538816402300462011-07-27T11:07:23.198-04:002011-07-27T11:07:23.198-04:00It sounds like an interesting read. Thanks very mu...It sounds like an interesting read. Thanks very much for going through the query and pointing out areas to improve.Kelley Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06373650788799372118noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-56365751749400758182011-07-27T10:32:13.738-04:002011-07-27T10:32:13.738-04:00This sound like the sort of story I would really e...This sound like the sort of story I would really enjoy, and I enjoyed reading the query. <br /><br />Like Jessica, I wondered at the siblings' reaction to their mother being kidnapped (going in search of their father). I think your query would be stronger if you made this plot point clearer.<br /><br />I also think you would have more emotional impact if, instead of the cryptic questions, you wrote this in close-third. "15 yo Jim's mom has been kidnapped. The ransom? A key Jim doesn't have. To find it he'll have to beat a trail through Europe in search of his long-lost father, the only person with a clue about the key (I'm guessing). As if that wasn't enough of a challenge, Jim has to protect his 9yo sister along the way." (I would love some little insight as to their relationship during the quest, too. Is she annoying? Frightened? Resourceful? One word can indicate a lot here.)<br /><br />I think if you tell us the choice, instead of being vague, this would be more intriguing. "Finding out his father is (a spy? a traitor? a thief?), forces Jim to choose between (x) and (X); a choice that could tear his family apart." For added emotional impact, put something near the start indicating how Jim has always wanted his family to get back together. Make his want really visible - to save his mom, find his dad, and reunite his family. <br /><br />I hope that helps. It sounds like a great story, good luck with the query!Sheila JGhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15371582292020275894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-57423127219865718692011-07-27T09:23:17.704-04:002011-07-27T09:23:17.704-04:00Written simply and tastefully. It’s pleasant to re...Written simply and tastefully. It’s pleasant to read. Thank u.research paperhttp://bestessay4u.com/research_papernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-25644388207015777382011-07-27T08:52:32.054-04:002011-07-27T08:52:32.054-04:00I really like the idea of an adventure through Eur...I really like the idea of an adventure through Europe, especially since the author has first-hand knowledge of the locations.Sherri Shackelfordhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03190787952821357207noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23051453.post-54168541780706928182011-07-27T08:21:14.416-04:002011-07-27T08:21:14.416-04:00Hm. I guess I've read enough of these kinds of...Hm. I guess I've read enough of these kinds of queries that I'm starting to see (before you mention them) some of the problems.<br /><br />Thanks again for doing these. Very helpful.Donna K. Weaverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15763832177263927311noreply@blogger.com