Is Good Writing Really Enough

Whenever I’m on an agent panel someone will ask what we’re looking for, and almost always one person, or everyone, says, “A really well-written book.” But is good writing really enough to sell a book?

The truth is no. It’s not good enough to find an agent, sell to a publisher, or find a reader. I’ve seen lots of criticism on the blog lately, a lot of anger toward publishing professionals. Anger that we can’t look beyond the hook. That judging from a query letter alone isn’t enough and that what really makes a book good is execution. And yes, that’s right. What makes a book really work is execution, but a lot of things go into executing a good book and one of those things is a hook.

Agents and editors aren’t the bad guys here, folks. Our job is to try and bring books to the public that readers will want. Let me ask you this: How do you pick up a new book? One that hasn’t been recommended and one from an author you’ve never read before. I’ll bet it was the hook.

If it weren’t for a good hook new writers wouldn’t be discovered. It’s the hook that brings readers in and the writing and execution that keeps them coming back for more.

And I am curious. When was the last time you tried out a new author you’d never heard of and what was the reason for picking up the book?

Jessica

Pitch Critiques Round 15

Moving right along. . . . Here’s the original post: Perfecting Your Pitch.

83. Brenda
The highlight of C. J. Ellington’s day was his walk to the post office. Excitement coursed through his body as he awakened each morning, eagerly anticipating his two-mile trek into town to check his mail. He never knew what to expect: Information from Publisher’s Clearinghouse? Entry forms for a free trip to Disneyworld or Hollywood? A letter from his cousin in Tiptonville?

But that was before his whole life was turned upside down.

From an agent’s perspective this is a very typical pitch, one that’s meant to entice us, but since we see it all the time it doesn’t. Obviously, to me anyway, C. J. lives a fairly boring life. I go to the post office on a regular basis and I can’t imagine it ever being the highlight of my day. So why would I want to read about this guy? I mean, turning his life upside down could mean they’re out of stamps. Show us how his life was turned upside down. I assume that’s not going to give the book away, so that’s what we want to see.


84. Katherine
Fifteen-year-old Anna has six weeks to come up with a plan. It takes her six days. Traveling across the country to find answers to her past, Anna is prepared for anything. But she isn’t expecting this.

Strange coincidence, this post has the exact same problems as the previous post, and hopefully that gives you a sense of exactly what I mean. Neither really tells me anything exciting or different about this story. And that’s what I want to know. What makes your book both exciting and different?


85. L.C. McCabe
From the dawn of the Middle Ages comes a tale of impossible love between two sworn enemies: Bradamante, the niece of Charlemagne, and Ruggiero, a Saracen warrior descended from Hector of Troy. Both are legendary warriors who meet and fall in love on the field of battle and become separated. They fight to overcome the many obstacles threatening to keep them apart: being sworn to two different sovereigns who are at war with one another, being of different faiths, and magical forces intent on denying them from fulfilling their destiny.

Very, very general, this pitch. I like your opening. I found that interesting. Who doesn’t love a Romeo and Juliet story? But the end feels typical and like it could fit almost any book. Most love stories mean overcoming obstacles, and I’m not convinced that the rest of it really is different enough. What I need to see is action and plot. Not generalizations. What happens when they meet, what is their actual conflict specifically, and what do they have to do to win the fight?


86. reality
Does Virtue Pay? A brothel that offers no sex shall find out.

I like this. This definitely grabs my attention and makes me wonder. Now what I need to know to turn this from a tagline to a pitch is what's next. I also need a sense of what kind of book this is. I guess I need to know why anyone would open a brothel with no sex and how your characters play into it.


87. lainey baincroft
Mouthy meets moral--in the middle of the mattress.

'In The Air Tonight'. 100K romantic suspense.

I have no idea how your pitch could possibly be a romantic suspense. It sounds more like a romantic comedy. Your pitch should always give the tone and feeling of your book, and, most important, we should have a sense of exactly what genre you’re writing without needing you to tell us. I think the real issue of your book better be what makes this suspenseful and not who the heroine and hero are (which is what I assume you’re telling us).


88. anon 8:16
With her older brother Jimmy gone missing in Iraq, a hurricane in the forecast, and her long-absent father appearing suddenly at the front door, twelve-year-old Nadine has her hands full, trying to do it all: She needs to find her brother, save her bottle tree from hurricane-force winds, and make her parents fall in love again.

I like this. I think you have some good elements here, but I think you’ve gone too far and tried to give us too much. Instead of telling us how all three things relate (especially since it makes no sense to me why she would need to save a tree over a house or how saving a tree could even compare to a brother missing at war), why don’t you focus on the most important conflict. What is it that Nadine really has to do? I doubt she can find her brother since he’s in another country, and there’s only so much you can do about a hurricane, so what is Nadine’s true conflict? What is the crux of the story?


89. anchored away
Mari has a reputation for dealing with demons, but stickler Ben needs her help to find a dangerous manuscript before it can be published. Mari jumps at the chance to quash rumors and redeem herself, but working so closely with Ben proves dangerous as her carefully erected walls disintegrate in the face of his HEX APPEAL.

This feels disjointed to me. She “has a reputation for dealing with demons, but....”; that doesn’t work for me grammatically. And does her demon hunting really matter when it comes to finding the manuscript? It doesn’t seem to according to your pitch. If it does, we should know that. And why does she need to redeem herself? I don’t think we necessarily need to know this unless it’s her conflict. I think you need to figure out what the heart of the story is (and it’s probably not working closely with Ben) and focus on that. What sort of conflict are they really up against when it comes to finding the manuscript?


Okay, readers, it’s up to you now. . . .

Jessica

Respecting Romance

I received a question recently in the blog email account that was really insulting. Now I know the author didn’t intend to insult me, or at least I assume she didn’t intend to insult me, but I couldn’t help but take it that way.

A member of a romance writers group, the reader asked if we could recommend “serious quality writing in this genre.” She continued to say, “Now maybe I am asking for the impossible. Does anyone write really quality stuff in this genre, or simply stuff that will sell. Surely there are writers out there producing quality work that still gets a smile, gives great vicarious sex and a happy ending?”

I’m going to give this author the benefit of the doubt and assume that she didn’t mean it the way it was said, because of course she can’t possibly be saying that there’s no good writing in all of romance, can she?

I’m asked regularly why I think romance doesn’t get the respect it deserves and if that will ever happen. And I’ve been sitting for months trying to answer that question. I guess I hadn’t been insulted lately because now I have some things to say.

First of all, don’t ever imply that all of the amazing authors I represent are simply writing to sell. I have an incredible list of very talented writers and I think all of their work is quality. Of course they are all different and not all might be to your tastes, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t writing quality material. I also have to wonder what your question says about me. Do you honestly think I got into this business to represent crap? C’mon! Give me some credit. I got into this business so that I could represent books I love to read. Sure I need to make sure those books are also something I can sell, but books don’t sell unless the editor and agent buying and selling actually think they are quality.

Romance is not going to get the respect it so aptly deserves until the writers of romance all stand tall and proudly proclaim that they write romance. I know RWA is amazing and I know there are many, many authors proud of what they write. But there seems to be just as many who whisper it under their breaths, who are afraid to admit that they write romance. Why is that? It’s the single most profitable genre in this business; over and over romance dominates the bestseller lists. Thousands and thousands of women and, yes, men read romance novels. Why is it we then feel shame over these amazing books?

I guess some if it must be history, but aren’t we belittling women by saying that books geared toward them are crap? Because I do often think that’s what we’re saying. Listen, there’s bad writing in every genre. There’s bad SF, bad mystery, and yes, folks, literary fiction doesn’t always mean you’re getting quality writing.

I can come up with lots of reasons why I think romance gets a bad rap, but most of it, I suspect, is just plain snobbery. And if you haven’t noticed, it just plain p’es me off.

Jessica

The Start of Something New

I always get excited at the start of a new year. A new year is a time for new beginnings. Not so much resolutions, but a time to shake off the bad habits, bad energy, or bad luck from an old year and start fresh.

I’m not usually one for concrete resolutions. Oh, sure, I’m vowing to get healthier this year, exercise more than I have been, and, of course, I always vow to sell bigger books with bigger deals. Nothing different from the last year really. I’m excited about 2008 though. There are a lot of wonderful things in my future.

I’ve got a number of authors with debut novels this year and I’m always anxious to see how a new author or a new series will be received. I also have a number of clients working on projects that I’m hoping will be ready to submit in 2008. Projects that sound fun and of course fabulous. And obviously I have a client list that continues to grow, as do the careers of my clients, and I can’t wait to see the directions they take.

Primarily, though, at the beginning of a new year I like to look back and see how far I’ve come. A long way from the small-town Minnesota girl arriving in the big city in an overly large “interview suit” and overwhelmed by the people, noises, and the size of New York. Determined, however, to make it. Can you hear the theme to Mary Tyler Moore cuing now?

At the beginning of a new year I also like to look back at how far BookEnds has come and how far 2008 is from that long-ago conversation Jacky and I had in her Brooklyn apartment in 1999. I was really reminded of that recently by an author query. This writer started out by telling the story of our first “meeting.” Upon hearing about BookEnds literary agency back in the day (2000), she sent off her partial. While I didn’t ask to see more of her material and I didn’t offer representation, I did send a detailed rejection letter outlining the problems I saw in her material. Sadly, that was something I had more time to do in the early days of BookEnds.

Excited by the effort I had put into my letter and confident that she could make the changes I asked for, she brought the letter to her critique group only to be dismissed summarily and criticized for querying an agent “no one” had never heard of and who therefore couldn’t be any good. They advised her to only contact agents recommended by RWA, as many suggest only submitting to agents recommended by AAR or other groups.

Well, in this new year I want to thank that author and the many others who were willing to give a new agency a chance. New beginnings are scary, whether you’re starting a business, a new book, the submission process, switching publishers, or just switching computers. It’s important to remember as we all move into the new year and our new beginnings, that it really takes the support of others to make them work. You can’t succeed at a diet if your friends are constantly buying you cake, and you can’t succeed at your writing if your friends are constantly belittling your “hobby.” Success comes through group effort and the support of others. I was happy to see that this author didn’t take the criticism of others and run with her tail between her legs. She found other groups, classes, and areas of support and now, seven years later, she’s submitting again and I’m thrilled to be on her list.

So in your list of resolutions I ask that we all remember what we can do for others as we’re doing for ourselves.

Happy New Year!

Jessica

Happy Holidays!

BookEnds is closed for the holidays until Wednesday, January 2, 2008.

Have a wonderful holiday and we'll be blogging again in the New Year.

The Benefits of Being an Agent

I had an interesting thought regarding Erik's comments considering this is an agent's blog. The hype machine costs money, yes. Didn't Trump just pay out something like $25K to about 1,000 people standing in line waiting to buy his book and have it autographed? Who bears the cost of promotion? Authors and, sometimes, publishers.

Do agents pick up the promotion tab, or do they simply reap the benefit of author and publisher promo? If the latter, then those NYT Bestseller spikes don't cost agents anything, and, in the long run, it's the agents that net out better than either the author or the publisher.

Interesting thought that at a 15% commission the agents ever net out better than anyone. No, agents don’t typically pick up a tab for promotion. That’s really up to the people who are making the money—the publishers and the authors. The agent, however, will often do her best to eliminate as much of that tab from the author’s own pockets as possible. In other words, the agent will do her best to get the publisher to pay.

Any author will always bear the cost of some promotion, even if it’s the cost of attending a conference, but the more successful an author becomes the more the publisher should and will bear those costs. And the publisher absolutely should. It’s part of the cost of doing business in the first place. Should an agent bear the cost of building an author’s brand? I’m not sure and I’d be interested to hear what others say about this. I do know that some of the larger agencies now are bringing on publicists. I don’t know how well that’s working or how much they are actually spending. BookEnds has started this blog, which we see as a promotional opportunity for our authors should they choose to use it. We also have a Web site where we heavily promote our authors. It only makes sense. Successful authors = successful agents.

BookEnds did briefly toy with the thought of hiring an agency publicist, but in the end we weren’t sure a publicist for the agency would do any more than a publisher’s publicity department does (or that we can get them to do). I guess I’m not convinced it makes sense.

Okay, that was not much of an answer, but I think this is worthy of more of a discussion than just one woman’s answer. Thoughts?

Jessica

Pitch Critiques Round 14

I hope you’re not getting bored with these yet. I think we’re finally well beyond the halfway mark. Thanks, everyone, for submitting and commenting, and please continue to do so. I think making this a forum where everyone can improve her pitch is terrific. This has been fun for me. Here’s the original post, Perfecting Your Pitch, and you should be able to link back to all previous critiques if necessary.

77. jaxpop
Making the choice to risk your own life to rescue a friend requires great courage and selflessness. Add having to abandon $15,000,000 in gold during the process raises the stakes significantly. Following through on it, as a fifteen year old, provides reason for pause, but for Jack, the commitment must be made in an instant.

My first concern is that grammatically this is really awkward. Wouldn’t it be stronger just to say, “. . . Abandoning $15 million in gold in the process takes even greater selflessness, but for 15-year-old Jack the decision must be made in an instant when . . .”? I think we need just a little more here. I love the opening two lines, but I think we need to know a why or a what happens to force this decision.

78. anon 11:21
'See Lotty Run' is an 85,000 word Romantic Thriller:
Lotty killed her baby didn't she? With a new face and a new start, it all seems to be working out. Till she falls for a cop.

It’s missing that special oomph. My first concern is the question: Did she or didn’t she kill her baby? I wouldn’t advise starting with a question and certainly not this one, it doesn’t entice me. Why not just say, "After accidentally (you’ll need to let us know immediately how sympathetic we can be for this character) killing her own baby, Lotty starts out with a new face and a new start...”? I hope your entire conflict is not that she’s fallen for a cop. That’s not enough and, truthfully, pretty easy to get out of. You just walk away. Something more has to be happening to Lotty in this story. Something to really up the suspense. If this really is a romantic suspense I need to see the suspense in your pitch and not the romance. I’m not quite as concerned with that. If, however, you’re calling it a thriller, you need to up the stakes even more. Agents will expect a lot of fear in a thriller. We need to see that in the pitch.

79. JLT
Becky Miller is stunned to discover that her husband, Walter, is having an affair with a mentally challenged cocktail waitress. Even worse, Walter’s girlfriend has suggested that she and Walter would both be better a lot off if Becky were permanently removed from the picture. Becky thus decides to teach Walter a lesson that he’ll never forget, but as she sets her scheme into motion, things go tragically wrong and Becky suddenly finds herself in danger of becoming the principal victim of her own carefully constructed plan…

I’m sure I’m going to take a hit for this, but you want honesty, right? From your first sentence I would reject this. I have a really, really hard time with the fact that her husband is having an affair with someone who is mentally challenged. Granted, there are definitely extremes to this definition, but my first thought is that if he’s having an “affair” with someone who is mentally challenged then he is as bad as a pedophile. In other words, he’s clearly taking advantage of someone and the least of your concerns is their plot to do away with Becky. I think the real concern is that she’s married a man who is essentially a criminal. To rectify this you’ll need to clarify how challenged this waitress is, and I’m not sure that needs to be done in the pitch. Hopefully it comes across better in the book. Beyond that, though, I think your real hook is that, “Becky discovers her husband’s affair and in an attempt to teach him a lesson things go tragically wrong. Instead of simply enacting revenge on her cheating man, Becky finds herself in danger...” I think you need a little bit more, a little bit more of an idea of how dangerous the danger is, but I hope you get the idea.

80. Jduncan
Pathology Assistant, June Marigold is moving up in the world thanks to the magical ring given to her by her mother, which allows her to see and speak to the dead. After solving a notorious, deadend case, June found herself with a brand new apartment up in the Thirties, high above the dreadful waterways of a now flooded lower Manhatten. But when the corpse of a merman shows up in the morgue and then mysteriously vanishes overnight, June finds herself caught up in an ongoing struggle between the Mer and a corrupt part of NYC that wants the City's newest residents permanently removed. Having to delve into the murky underwater world of the lowest Manhatten is the last thing June wants, especially accompanied by the mysterious and unnerving Mer, Bolen, who serves her pagan mother and absurdly refers to June as 'Princess.' The entire problem would have been washed away if, when she tried returning the stupid ring to her mother, June hadn't discovered the power to see the dead didn't lie in the ring at all, but in her.

Too long! Let me ask you this: What really matters to the core of your story? In other words, if you want to attract a reader, what is your biggest hook? Is it that the ring came from her mother? That she’s moving up in the world? That she lives in the Thirties? No. I think the real core of this is that she’s a pathologist with the ability to see and speak to the dead. That’s amazing. That’s a book I want to read. The rest of it is just padding. The rest is what creates the book and builds your characters. A pathologist who can see and speak to the dead and is forced to use her powers to uncover a struggle between the Mer and the residents of NYC. I like this idea a lot; however, based on your pitch, my conclusion is that you don’t have a very fleshed-out story. That you’re trying to do too much and not really focusing on writing a great, amazing, and really coherent plot.

81. Jeanne
Neska has never been out of her native mountains and knows nothing about leading armies or defeating a usurper. She has never cast a spell or decided the course of a kingdom. All she knows is that the usurper has killed the king for the throne and had her own family murdered for their loyalty. Neska is on the run, and has no idea how she will surivive much less bring about justice. But all that will change when a mysterious mage dies transferring his tattoos and his magical power to her.

The pitch here is what happens when the mysterious mage dies and what really happens next. To me the fact that Neska has never been out of the mountains, etc., is merely backstory. Why not shorten, tighten, and get to the point faster? I’m also not entirely sure what’s going on here. Is Neska related to the king? Why is she responsible for bringing justice? And what is this story really about? Is it about Neska being on her own, outside of the mountains, or is it really what happens after the mage dies? I think you need to give a better sense of who Neska is as well as a better sense of what the story is really about. I assume it’s about the need to bring justice, but from whom and why?

82. wplasvegas
Secret Lore of the Dolphins is an epic story about a seven year old girl shipwrecked in the Bermuda Triangle, who is rescued, then befriended by dolphins, and taught their language. Now an adult, she returns to civilization appointed as, "Ambassador of the People of the Sea to the People of the Land."

Try not to give any pitch that says something along the lines of, “title is an...” It immediately reads like book report material and takes the life out of the pitch. What about something like, “When seven-year-old Tina is shipwrecked, alone, in the Bermuda Triangle, she learns to rely on a group(?) of dolphins to teach her survival....” Reading that, however, I immediately think this is a YA book, and a great idea at that. It’s only when I read your next line that I’m utterly confused. What exactly is this book about? I assume it’s not about the girl living on the island and getting to know the dolphins, but instead about her life as an adult. What does that entail and what is her conflict? Most important, though, what exactly is the Ambassador of the People of the Sea to the People of the Land and what does all of that mean?


Now I turn it over to the readers. And don’t slack off on me. If I can keep coming back with critiques, comments, and suggestions, so can you. We’ve got a lot more coming!

Jessica

The Power of an Author Blog

I was curious about your take on author blogs. First, do you think author blogs sell books? Second, do you think revealing personal information, even when presented humorously, is appropriate? Over time I’ve found myself disenchanted with some authors after reading posts about the inner-workings of their marriage, as an example. I understand the need to entertain and for blog readers to feel that they are seeing a slice of an author’s life, but is there a fine line between professional promotion and too much information?

Confession time. I don’t read that many blogs. I read a few here and there and I love it when people clue me in to an interesting post (hint, hint), but I don’t spend a lot of time surfing other blogs (although I do check out Nathan Bransford daily, because he is extremely clever). I’m not part of author fandom. Actually I’m not much of a “fan” in general. I never hung posters from Teen Beat on my wall and I never wrote fan letters to the Duke Boys. I guess what I’m trying to say is that this is probably a question that’s best put out to readers. Do you read author blogs? Do they make you buy books?

My opinion. It can’t hurt, but it needs to stand out. You need to provide readers with something more than just a daily rundown of your life to make it interesting. I do think readers like getting a personal taste of who you are, but no one wants the minute details of your life. When asked by my own clients if they “have to” blog, my answer is always, You have to want to blog. I don’t care if you blog, but if you do you need to commit. You either need to join up with a group or you need to decide that you are indeed going to blog every day. Let me ask you this? Would you come to this blog regularly if it wasn’t daily? Probably not. You’d forget.

I think this is an interesting post for regular blog readers. Do you read author blogs? What do you like to read in them? Do you prefer individual blogs or group blogs? And for those authors who do blog (great time to promote your blog) do you have any parameters for yourself and your blog? Do you think it helps your sales?

Jessica

Dear Santa . . .

Every Thanksgiving my mom takes advantage of the family being all in one place and forces us to write our Christmas lists. This year — like every year — a few books made it onto my list . . . even though I should really be asking for a bookcase to store all of the piles of books I already own! I’m eager to get to the stacks I already have, but who can resist adding a few more? So I got to wondering what books are on your wish list this year. How did you hear about them? Recommendation? Review? Just the latest from your favorite author?

Here’s what’s on the BookEnds lists this year:

Kim

The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield — This book has been calling to me ever since I first saw it hit the stores. The cover screams “Booklovers! Over here!” and the copy makes it sound like my idea of the perfect book. I’m kind of shocked that I don’t already own it. I think I always succumb to the guilt of those huge unread piles sitting back at home. But this is definitely at the very top of my wish list.

Bridge of Sighs by Richard Russo — I loved Empire Falls. While I never got around to going back and reading his previous works, I’ve been hearing a lot of good things about Bridge of Sighs. I’m looking forward to sinking my teeth into this one.

The Vanishing Act of Esme Lennox by Maggie O’Farrell — I have to admit that I added this to the list on a whim. I saw it recently in stores and decided to research it as a possible future pick for my book club. The starred Publishers Weekly review sealed it for me. (I bank heavily on those PW reviews!) And it’s a book all about family secrets. What’s better than that?

Ana's Story: A Journey of Hope by Jenna Bush and Mia Baxter — This is my book club’s next selection. I kind of like that we’re mixing things up with a young adult book, and the story intrigues me. Should make for a great discussion.


Jessica

Putting together my list for Santa was always so much easier when I had the JC Penney toy catalog in front of me. I could pore over it for days and come up with quite an impressive list. And normally I have the same feelings about coming up with books I want for Christmas, but this year I’m truly stumped. I’m a cookbook fiend so it’s baffling that I can’t even come up with one cookbook I need. As for fiction, one would think I’m always ready to add to my list, but the growing stack of books I already own and haven’t yet read is too intimidating for me to ask for more. So my version of the Christmas list is that I’m going to ask for time to read the books I already have. I’d really like to get to The Kite Runner, as well as one of the three J. R. Ward titles that have been sitting here. Of course I’m dying to catch up on some of my own clients’ books and Karin Slaughter’s latest is also in my pile. And since it’s winter I’d like something heartwarming, women’s fiction that makes me cry a little and feel good about life in the end. It should also have a bit of a romance, I suppose. Elizabeth Berg is usually good for that, but I’m open to suggestions since I’m just not sure what that book is.


Jacky

I recommend The Road by Cormac McCarthy, which was my favorite nonclient book of the year. Cormac McCarthy is an amazing, provocative writer and The Road stayed with me long after I put it down. I also recommend I Am American and So Can You! by Stephen Colbert. I listened to the audio book and laughed myself silly. He’s so clever, Nation.

On my list to read (after I read all my clients’ books, of course):

The Birds in My Life by The Supreme Master Ching Hai
The Almost Moon by Alice Sebold
The Abstinence Teacher by Tom Perrotta
The Carb Conscious Vegetarian by Robin Robertson


Now it’s your turn! What books are on your list and why?

Pitch Critiques Lucky 13

More critiques for you. I’ve seen a lot of great pitches so far. Here’s the original post, Perfecting Your Pitch, and you should be able to link back to all previous critiques if necessary.

72. Dead Man Walking
Jessica had it all - her own agency, a popular blog, and even a man who liked watching Oprah with her. But when someone steals her egg salad sandwiches from the office fridge on the morning of the annual Festivus Potluck, Jessica finds herself smack in the middle of a mystery. With toe-hair curling prose, BROUHAHA AT BOOKENDS shows what happens when an obnoxious slushpile-reader-who-doesn't-swing-her-arms-when-she-walks meets up with the agent who ruined her life with a simple form reject.

I have printed this out and hung it on my wall. Not only did it make me laugh out loud, but of course it’s a book I’m dying to read ;) Thanks, Dead Man, it’s definitely the break I needed. And brilliant as well. I’m really impressed. And of course who wouldn’t want to read a mystery with a literary agent protagonist?

73. dramabird
Set in a nearly empty college in the final stages of closure, my novel The Campus is a 103,000-word thriller. Kiley is a theatre tech major who excels behind the scenes, but in a single, terrifying night, she is propelled center stage when the school’s few remaining students are threatened by a group of masked men whose motives are not what they seem.

In a story of mayhem, secrets and loyalty (not to mention hammers, hydrochloric acid, pancakes and the gates of the Emerald City), Kiley – a heroine with moxie rather than muscles – must do whatever it takes to rescue her ex-boyfriend, protect newfound allies and keep herself alive until morning.

This has potential. I think you need to be a little more straightforward, though. I would also eliminate the line about hammers to Emerald City. If this is a thriller, you want your pitch to remain thrilling (and suspenseful) even if you have light comedy in your book—adding it to the pitch can diminish that sense of suspense you want the reader to feel. I think that the pitch is a little shorter. “Kiley is a theatre tech major who excels behind the scenes and never desires center stage, but in a single terrifying night that’s exactly where she finds herself. When a group of masked men take over the theatre, demanding ????, only Kiley, hidden in her ????, is the one left to save them.” Or something along those lines. My concern overall is that I’m not feeling that this is really something that grabs my interest. College students in a theatre don’t have that “grab me and read me” quality. So my question is do your masked men? Are their motives ones that might attract readers?

74. tracey
A Lady's Revenge is an edgy, sensual romance set in 1805 England, between a beautiful, dedicated British Operative and a resourceful English Earl, who shows her how to trust and love again.

Snoooze! This shows me absolutely nothing different about your book. The opening line gives me no sense of voice. It sounds like it’s a description from a review. Get into it and get excited. "Lady Vanessa Gray is a British Operative with ????, but when she’s left investigating Earl Jonas Frank...." Do you see what I mean? We need to know what your real hook is and everything in your description reads like almost any other historical romance. I suspect the British Operative is your real hook, so run with that.

75. anon 9:21
MARIAH, once a foundling but now the most powerful woman in the Marches, has a tongue that flicks like a lash. LINDEN, the ruler who once shared her bed with his half-brother, is her most frequent target. Mariah is tempted to withdraw from Linden’s council of advisors. Yet, she can’t abandon the descendants of the people who fought at her side during the Rebellion four centuries ago because Linden is showing signs of his mother's madness. Then, her granddaughter is used as bait in a plot to overthrow Linden's rule.

I have no idea what you're talking about. I have no sense if this is a romance, mystery, historical novel, or SF/Fantasy. Is your conflict and is your hook really that she has a sharp tongue? And what do I care if she withdraws from the council? What impact is that going to have? I assume that Mariah, Linden, and his half-brother were all lovers? What does that have to do with anything? I don’t get any real sense of conflict in this, and because of that I have a difficult time really helping you take it in a new direction.

76. Ryshia Kennie
Caught in the middle of an intrigue she doesn’t understand, in a country she once fled, reporter and freelance writer, Claire Linton, has to learn fast. What began as a trip to Cambodia to find her maternal relatives, confront her past and the long ago escape from the Khmer Rouge, has turned deadly. She becomes an involuntary mule when she purchases a souvenir, a Buddha bust. Two men follow her and both want the bust. But it is the one called Simon, the expat American, who scares her. His kisses are treacherous, fogging an already dangerous present. The biggest story of her career finds her caught in the middle of a heroin smuggling operation where she soon learns that the only one she can trust is herself.

I think this has potential. It’s definitely interesting. I think it could be tightened even a little more, and you could address the conflict with greater urgency. Especially since this is supposed to be a thriller? “Caught in the middle of an intrigue she doesn’t understand, in a country she once fled, reporter and freelance writer Claire Linton has to learn fast. What began as a trip to Cambodia to find her maternal relatives and confront her past has turned deadly.” And here is where it gets shaky for me. Are the two men following her cops? And what is the story? Is it the heroin smuggling? If so, is she really concerned about the story if she is actually it? I think your next sentence is more along the lines of, “caught in the middle of a heroin smuggling operation and what promises to be the biggest story of her career, Claire...” I’ll leave the rest to you. But keep the suspense up. Show us what Claire is really up against.


Great work, everyone. And now to the readers and your feedback. . . .

Jessica