Back in May I offered a Query Critique Workshop. I received over 40 entries and critiqued 10 queries. (See Query Critiques 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10—or enter "query critique" in the search box at the top left and see all the critiques on one page.) I received some flack, but hopefully I also offered some sound advice. Well, I must be crazy, because I’m doing it again, sort of.
After doing a workshop at the NJ RWA conference on Perfecting Your Pitch I decided it would be something that could easily translate to the blog. Whether you're published, unpublished, have a pitch appointment or are pitching through an equery, every author needs to be able to summarize his or her book in as little as five words, but no more than three sentences (or so). In other words, you need to capture an agent's, editor's, or reader's attention quickly.
To participate, here's what you need to do. Submit through the comments section your pitch—that one sentence or one paragraph in your query letter that you're using to grab an agent's attention. I'm going to randomly pick and choose and critique as many as I can. As I critique the pitches I’ll post them on the site for all to read and make comments on.
So, brave readers, here’s your chance. A free critique from me. Post them in the comments section and I’ll start my critique as soon as the first one is up (note that the critiques will be posted in future blog posts).
Jessica
281 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 201 – 281 of 281Thanks for being so generous with your time! =)
Pitch for Red Hot Fury, adult urban fantasy:
When the body of a Fury who went missing in action washes up in Boston Harbor, it's Chief Magical Investigator Marissa Holloway's job to figure out who killed her. But she soon discovers the corpse has been altered using Sidhe magic. A big problem, since the Sidhe are supposed to be extinct. After an illegal séance with the incognito spirit, Riss learns a covert arm of the mortal government has been breeding the last surviving Sidhe in captivity, seeking to unlock the key to their immortality. If this knowledge becomes public, it will inspire a mortal-magical war the likes of which the world has never seen. Now it's up to Riss to free the captive Sidhe without causing Armageddon--or winding up a corpse herself.
(YA urban fantasy)
As far as 17 year old Alisha Ryan was concerned, there was only one thing more important than breaking curfew, and that was finding the right nightclub, and especially the right guy, to dance with. But she should have stayed far away from the last one, because it was there that all the dangers she's never been warned about decided to appear. For starters, she's now being stalked by a very irritated demon. And the boy she has her latest crush on? Yeah, he's the demon's assistant, and definitely not one hunded percent human. If that wasn't enough, Alisha quickly realizes that the mythological Wild Hunt is not just a legend. Her demon stalker is dead-set on Alisha becoming the Hunt's next leader, and she doesn't want or need Alisha's approval. Senior year looks like it's going to be a lot more complicated- and fun- than last.
Emily H
Captain King is a hard-drinking, scrapping, tough Irish riverboat owner. Henrietta is the preacher's daughter who captures his heart. Together they created the largest cattle empire the world has ever seen.
La Patrona is a heavily researched historical fiction of the King Ranch and the passion of the two who built it
YA Fantasy, Just Jennera:
When a thoughtless wish leaves her father fighting for his life, fourteen-year-old Jennera Van Norberg says she’ll do anything to save him, until her Grandmother tells her she must travel to the land of Wynken, Blynken and Nod to battle the Norse Gods and bring back a piece of Rhinegold.
No, she’s not a princess and she doesn’t have any secret magic powers, she’s just Jennera who’s too smart for her own good. Can a twenty-first century girl take on Norse Gods with just her wits and still find a way to save her dad? Jennera’s not sure, but she’s going to do her best to find out.
Thank you Jessica!
Jo needs help. Desperately. She’s being stalked by an irate classmate, visited by the ghost of a long-dead wizard, and her feeble magical powers are on the fritz. When she overhears a plot to oust the Queen, she gets drafted into a centuries old war between good and evil. But which side is which? And what is the truth about her own mysterious past?
Before Jo can find out, the prince of her dreams is kidnapped, and she is labeled a traitor. Now running for her life, Jo must take matters into her own hands. With the help of an old gypsy woman and the mysterious man they call Rune, can Jo save the prince and learn the astonishing truth about herself before she's captured?
Love at first sight is what happened when the widowed Amelia Hendricks saw the big, old—and abandoned—brick house on the shore of Lake Ontario. Knowing nothing of the house’s history, she was unprepared for the subsequent drama caused by the resident ghost – a victim of the War of 1812. In spite of his help—or interference—she achieved her goal of creating a bed and breakfast inn. But then, the descendant of the ghost arrived, searching for his ancestor’s remains. Together, Amelia and Brad not only put the ghost to rest, but also found a new and very real love.
A mystical vision on a lonely beach. A woman unlike any other. And a love that transcends all boundaries.
Aidan Hunt has seduced legions with his songs. His famous smile has the world at his feet in seconds. Yet the gilded life has tarnished; nothing new lies under the sun. Until…Fate leads him to the one woman whose reaction to him is anything but reverent.
Laine McKenna’s life is shrouded in silence, steeped in mystery. The fortress around her wasn’t built from her Deafness alone; she is haunted by the death of her husband. To reach her, Aidan cannot rely on his music or fame but on the only thing strong enough to break through her defenses: love.
Two worlds; one filled with silence, one filled with sound, bridged by an irresistible passion. But there are those who would try to tear them apart; threatened by change, fired by ambition. In the midst of calculated deceits and cultural differences, can their love survive beyond THE BLUEST FLAME?
Hap Hazzard (14) doesn’t believe in aliens—at least not until he and Tara are accidentally abducted by a ship full of them. At the other side of the universe, they run into Amar, the last living of the nine unknown scientists from India’s mythology. Amar’s sworn to protect the nine books of his brothers. Books that could systematically destroy the universe. In a desperate attempt to contact their families and get home again, Hap and Tara unwittingly deliver the device that enables the books to be read to the space mafia boss, Don Nova.
Now Hap and Tara must race Nova in a search that spans the universe for the missing nine books before life as they know it is obliterated. Fighting neubins, surviving intergalactic phone calls, and discovering the secrets of ghosts, Stonehenge, the Nazca lines, and the pyramids is just the beginning in proving the universe really is a big place.
Thanks Jessica!
Fleeting Life
Elena Kinsella is on the brink of having the perfect life. She has just moved out from under her Nan’s controlling power, into her own flat, and has spied a future love interest in one of her customers at work. Unfortunately, she becomes the victim of the local serial killer, and quickly realises that there is more to death when she discovers that no one can see or hear her unless she wills it.
Forced to watch the world carry on without her, with the help of a few kindred spirits, Elena sets out to discover who her murderer is before her time runs out. While watching and waiting she falls for James, the handsome customer she met on the eve of her death, and when her best friend becomes the next potential victim Elena must find a way to save her friend, and James, before its too late.
Thirty-something Cyd Denlinger sees imaginary ducks, but, when she hears two killers throw a man into Chesapeake Bay's deepest spot off Bloody Point, she knows it's for real. How can she convince police when they're sure the victim is evading a grand jury summons? How can she convince her sister who knows about Cyd's overactive imagination? How can she identify the killers after another woman is killed in her place? And, will her former boyfriend ever forgive her for driving his newest charter ship into the path of a boat full of fleeing killers?
YA -- untitled.
Seventeen-year-old Tommy Doyle's needs are characterized by ins and outs. He wants to get into college and out of his violent neighborhood. Wants out of his mother's silent deaf world and into the arms of his crush, Sara. With good grades and money from his summer job he's poised for success. But when someone close to him becomes indebted to the neighborhood crime boss, Tommy has no choice but to help. And now, to keep Sara safe he "owes" the crime boss a murder, and not even Tommy's hit-man brother can help him out.
(Crossing Off Elvis-humorous women's fiction)
Mia Taglietti has one week, a purse full of maxed-out credit cards, and an urgent need to fulfill the world’s craziest life list. (Not to mention a big regret over penning number one-getting married by Elvis in Vegas.)Dragging her boyfriend Scott kicking and screaming across the country, Mia bungles each task, collects a group of eccentric stragglers, and heads ever closer to Vegas. It’s there, under the neon lights of the strip, where Mia must finally decide if she’s ready to cross off Elvis, and Scott needs to decide if he'll still be around once she does.
(MG Adventure)
When a boy inventor and his friends find a stolen necklace at the bottom of a lake, they have to use all of their courage and ingenuity to keep the school bully off the trail while they solve the mystery and return the necklace to a nice old lady who may or may not be a ghost.
If you're still taking pitches, here is the multi-sentence pitch for my single title WIP romcom/mystery, SEX, PIs & PACKING TAPE. I sent in one-sentence pitches earlier that you haven't gotten to yet. Feel free to critique whichever you want. Or not. Tell me to go away if need be. :) But since you said we could continue to post pitches....
SEX, PIs & PACKING TAPE
He’s Going Undercover…She’s Getting Under His Skin
Photographer Ursula Scott can’t catch a break. Her boss hogs the credit for her work, then half-naked weirdoes show up for her Valentine’s photo spread in a prominent Seattle magazine, and now it looks like someone’s sabotaging the studio she has first dibs on buying. Worse, she discovers she’s a suspect…and her sexy apprentice, Gabe McKenzie, is really an ex-cop working undercover while practicing his newbie P.I. skills on her.
When Gabe moves home following the shooting that killed his career with the LAPD, he doesn’t expect to get drawn into finding the culprit causing trouble at his uncle’s photography studio. He certainly doesn’t expect to fall for Ursula Scott, a brunette with legs up to heaven but attitude to spare…and a keen dose of motive. But even as he clears her, the sabotage escalates into a deadly stalking—and Gabe finds his hands full. He needs to uncover the truth about his father’s murder, and he needs to convince Ursula to stop playing Nancy Drew. Above all, he needs to assure her that what they share together is more than sex and lies.
Thank you, Jessica! I look forward to learning from you.
Cindy
Whoops, the pitch for SEX, PIs & PACKING TAPE is from Cindy Procter-King, not Kate St. James. Sorry, that's a pen name for my erotic stuff. This story is not erotic.
I've done a very good job of keeping my two writing names secret, haven't I? Darn those auto-form-fill-in thingies.
Little Fish
(2nd try)
Small town coroner Evie Foster has a big watery problem. After investigating the mysterious death of an elderly man, she became pregnant, but this will be no ordinary child. The father was the man in the lake, and this child will be able to control not only water, but the emotions of every person he comes into contact with, including Evie’s. Now she must choose sides between the sexy man in the lake, who could help her raise and control this child, or the old woman in the rain, who could take the problem away and leave her to live a normal life. But as she finds out more about these creatures, she starts to wonder if one or both of them was responsible for the old man’s death, and what will happen to her if she gives either of them the child they so desperately want.
When Doyle was six and I was five he saw his real mom in a store and we followed her. We lost her that day, but over the course of what seemed like a very short time and Doyle's emphatic persistence we found her, and then Sephie, a man so obsessed with my brother Doyle that he would do anything to get him back, including kidnapping and nearly killing us. Our mother Kathryn, the first woman lawyer in Harrison and a part-time deputy prosecutor, would not realize the toxic relationship between Doyle and Sephie until it was too late.
Mystery
THE SHARK PIT
When a young defense lawyer discovers the newly-buried district attorney was poisoned, he uncovers a trail of revenge that threatens to bring down a prominent judge and expose his own father's decades old secret.
I'm trying again..
Fleeting Life
Elena Kinsella is on the brink of having the perfect life. Moving away from her controlling Nan, and on the verge of love she becomes the victim of a serial killer, but quickly discovers that there is more to death than it seems.
With the help of a few kindred spirits Elena sets out to discover who her murderer is; and when her best friend becomes the next target she must find a way to stop him before her time runs out.
Jessica, if you make it this far, I'll be shocked, or concerned about your sanity. But um, either way, I'll be thankful!
Fantasy...
Rainia just wants to scrape out a living in the city-state of Valdono, equal parts petty thief and pettier prostitute. But when an allegedly divine curse wipes out most of the ruling family, an old magic in Rainia’s blood reveals her to be the remaining prince’s bastard daughter. Suddenly, living becomes a whole lot more dangerous. Disgruntled dignitaries, cunning courtiers, and mendacious mages abound, as do subtle attempts on Rainia’s life. Out of place and over her head, Rainia must pit her street smarts against a very non-divine murderer who is not about to let some royal whore ruin years of carefully laid plans.
Hi Jessica,
This is the last one I'm going to post. Its my re-drafted fantasy pitch that you critiqued early on in this pitch-quest of insanity! I hope you get this far to see my latest effort. Dont be gentle. Be brutal! I can take it!
[Title]: Children of the Ether, Book 1
The Kingdom is in turmoil. King Enyard has ensured that his people will subsist the Breaking through a pact made with the mysterious Ethereans, but the dragon wars are weakening the Kingdom’s defences and many are turning their favour towards his charismatic brother.
Ellusia has grown up as the bane of her people. She was the first to survive since the Breaking, and is struggling to keep secret the consequences of the pact her father made. When her brother is killed she must decide between loyalty to her father and her people before the Kingdom tears her and itself apart and falls from the sky.
My book Silent Spell has two pitches depending on what spin I think the agent or editor would most likely be iterested in:
1) Jules Song was born with three curses intertwined into his very existence. First, was his father’s human blood, a heritage that denied him half his rights in the fae world, the weave. Then there was his mother’s banshee blood, by rule of the species no male was ever to be afflicted by this curse, but rules were often broken in Darkside. And last, was Jules’ own deafness. A silence that would always keep him a world away from everyone else, the hearing.
2)In Silent Spell, Jules Song is a hero for both deaf and hearing readers because he is a hero they both can relate to. His is a perspective never seen in fantasy, yet one that many people can sympathize with because of the challenges he must face. While he must deal with the difficulties all deaf teenagers go through, he too must deal with all of the difficulties hearing teenagers go through, and he handles the challenges in his life with wit and intelligence.
‘Healer’s Destiny’ is a 120 000 word otherworld quest fantasy romance about Irini, a guilt-ridden Healer and Kouncellor from the magical land of Thassos.On a quest to find a hidden object before her rival, her plans are thrown into disarray with the unexpected reunion with her ex-lover Prince Andros. Their roles as Kouncellor and Prince must come first as the quest eventually takes them in separate directions, both filled with danger. They must find their way back to each other, learn to be honest, learn to let go of the past and most of all forgive themselves.
Romantic Suspense: DEADLY CONTRACT
After escaping a rapist, Shar Bennet gains a new insight on life: she won’t ever be vulnerable again. But that means divorcing her cheating husband and refusing to be intimidated by a stalker. Believing her soon-to-be ex-husband is out for blood, she gets cozier with her protector than she should. Then, a woman resembling Shar is murdered and Shar’s husband has a solid alibi—he’s dead.
When security specialist Davyn Owens is hired by Shar’s client as her bodyguard, he’s suspicious of the motive. Not that he’s complaining. Watching over Shar is more than a job to him, but he must ignore the desire he feels for her and the obvious “go for it” signals she sends him. He can’t risk getting involved with a client—not again. Together, Shar and Davyn must determine who is stalking her and put an end to the threats before the killer strikes again.
Thanks for doing this!
Cassandra's Story
Cassandra was a 19 year old college student when her mother was killed by a drunk driver on Mother's Day. The driver, a lawyer, walked away without injuries and was sentenced to three years probation.
With no other family, she moved back home to take of her two younger sisters.
Now six years later Cassandra owns a gift shop, lives in the same house she grew up in, and is content with her life. That is until he enters it. He is Kevin Cavanaugh. Kevin is hot, arrogant, and wealthy. All negatives in her opinion, but his biggest sin, he's a lawyer.
Kevin has always dated the typical blonde bombshells. Yet something about this gorgeous brunette is calling to him. He has tried everything and nothing is working. Fortunately, Kevin isn't a quitter. He will do whatever it takes to prove to Cassandra that they are meant to be together.
OVERBOARD
Silas Jacobson’s ordinary day on his family’s Missouri farm - including a fistfight with his brother, a rock fight with his sister, and an afternoon digging stumps with his father - ends with a hunting accident that makes him bitterly impatient to leave. He boards the first available steamboat and ends up many months later in the California Gold Rush, after having been forced at every major turning point of his journey to jump overboard - from rafts, steamers and sailing ships. Silas has a big mouth, a quick temper, and a propensity for making fast friends and implacable enemies every time he swims ashore. By the time people and events coalesce into crisis in a mining boomtown Silas, an angry, deadly veteran of many miles, must decide his future by facing his enemies or jumping overboard once again. His choice may surprise you.
(Jessica: Thank you very much)
(Commercial Thriller)
After someone begins assassinating L.A.'s most depraved criminals, former drug-runner, turned cop, turned millionaire playboy, Hale Parrish, is asked to use his special talents to investigate. By “gleaning,” Hale can relive the final moments of the dead, often leading to indisputable evidence against murderers. Soon, the vigilante invades Hale’s personal life, only to reveal a secret: Hale is a member of an elite bloodline chosen to enact judgment upon the condemned. As Hale decides whether to embrace or reject his destiny, dark shadows from his past emerge, placing everyone he loves in mortal danger.
Paul Phelps is dying of cancer, allowing him to take chances he would otherwise not take. When a vampire moves into the house behind his, he takes one of those chances and befriends the undead being. However, as vampire attacks begin to plague the small town where Paul lives, will he be forced to destroy the creature he has built a friendship with, or must they work together to face a darker, more dangerous threat?
I'd appreciate any thoughts on how this exercise is constructed. Too much, too little?
Pitch Line:
An assassination attempt in the nation's capital unravels in chaos after a father sees the impossible–the daughter he buried years ago. Now two women and a child with her face are fleeing for their lives, he has to know why, and in the balance hangs gene therapy's Manhattan Project.
Paragraph:
In this speculative thriller, an aggrieved Joseph Bodak believes his daughter Sara died eleven years earlier, until the moment he sees her in an Arlington crowd. One instinctive lunge later, he's destroyed his reputation and wrecked an assassination attempt no one realizes even happened. The fuse he's accidentally lit also leaves him with only thirty-six hours to unravel the lie that robbed him of his family. One lost weekend to find a ghost, save a grandchild he never knew, and destroy a lethal conspiracy crafting miracles from flesh of his flesh, blood of his blood.
Lemonade for Christmas is an inspirational story about Jack Toland, a self-centered rich kid who, facing his mother's possible death, gets a hard lesson one Christmas regarding what matters most in life.
When Jack strikes a bargain with God: spare his mother, and he'll take over the lemonade stand for charity, he learns life is so much more about giving than receiving.
Why would our government resist adopting the Kyoto Accords? In a complex and ever-changing world the real reason may not be so obvious. The U.S. is being blackmailed and CIA Operative, Logan Van Hoehn finds himself in a unique position. He can save America and the planet. Yet in saving the world he knows he will lose it.
Thank you, Jessica
What do you do if the boss doesn’t know you’ve accepted a new consulting gig to work under cover in the Northwoods and you leave an “I’m outtahere” note for your husband and no note all for your boyfriend and then the guy who just hired you turns up murdered and there is no Plan B?
She thought frolicking with the fairies would be the chance of a lifetime - it didn't take her long to realise she was wrong. Then it's just the prerequisite hundred years before she gets away. So when she finds a dying fairy waif, she's loathe to get involved.
Few would follow a God that they do not love, but Riva Tanner does not have a choice. When Riva dies at age nine, her father, a priest, pulls her back from the spirit world, incurring a debt to the God. To repay the debt, Riva must become one of the God’s guardian priestesses, training for ten years and guarding the bratty son of an insignificant baron for ten more years.
Riva attempts to protect Julian bodily from the Order of Silas, of whom they both run afoul, and spiritually from Sir Eastman, who teaches his Machiavellian creed to the boy who hungers to expand the barony. In the end, Riva learns to love her duty and realizes that in the process she has learned to love her God.
TIME SHIFTER (SF)
At age four, Jessie Connell was left abandoned in Death Valley, California. Now a jaded college graduate, she is determined to find her parents and learn why they deserted her. But her search for answers will propel her 12,000 years back in time—where the heroes and gods of ancient folklore are not only real, but at war.
Thanks Jessica!
K.M. Sullivan
Software developer John Loring is an expert on how pictures evoke visceral responses inside our brains. In DEADLOCK, my 80,000 word thriller, he’s aware of what could happen if someone managed to create software capable of manipulating perceptions, emotions, perhaps even our thoughts. But it’s only beginning to sink in that he might be that someone.
After becoming entangled with a shadowy venture capitalist, John finds himself in a world where rival factions within the intelligence community are literally dying to possess his video enhancement software. With two of his friends taken hostage, John realizes his only chance of saving them—and himself—is to use his software as a weapon against the people trying to kill him.
Thanks, Jessica!
Richard Manning
The day before graduating from the General Academy of Magic, Cale was convincing his best friend to cut class and sneak into a military camp, just to see a Behemoth-class Golem. He didn’t know that it would get his friend captured. He really had no clue that it would start up the end of the world.
But with the help of talking frogs and monkeys, sky pirates and a troll wizard in pink bunny slippers, he’ll have a chance to put things right.
Jack isn’t ready to be the pinnacle of evolution. He can barely maintain a stable relationship, let alone bear the responsibility of moving an entire species forward. Luckily, Wendell Langsmead has been groomed for the daunting task of making sure the likes of Jack never live long enough to pass on their genes. His company, Mead Pharmaceuticals, continues to make sure they maintain customer loyalty by any and all means necessary, even if that includes stopping evolution itself.
One sentence: When Roxanna Wells' ordered life unravels in strange and inexplicable ways, she fears she, like her mother before her, must be losing her mind.
If you're hearing voices, it can't be good.
All Roxanna Wells wants is peace and quiet. She tends her parakeets, arranges flowers at Brooklyn's Riesgo's, and nightly retires to mushroom-barley soup in her quest for an untroubled life. But one fall day in 2000, her hard-won normalcy begins to unravel with inexplicable thoroughness.
She could have imagined the thick silence that sucked her feet into the pavement; she was exhausted when she blurted out the delphiniums told her where to place them; her insomnia and uncharacteristic temper at Riesgo's valued regulars must surely be a vitamin deficiency. Deep inside, she fears that she, like her mother 20 years before, is losing her mind.
CANARY EYES follows Roxanna into this strange unraveling to discover what lies beneath and beyond it in a journey that allows her to see herself, her past and the world in a new light.
As Elizabeth's uncle lies dying, he tells her that she is a demonslayer, a descendent of the first crossbreed between a human and an angel. Preoccupied with the high life of 1926 Chicago, she thinks it's just the fever talking- until he dies, his protection fails, and she begins to see strange people no one else can see. Afraid to tell anyone she knows, her prayers are answered when an angel condescends to teach her to use her strange sight and her uncle's sword. But the angel she trusts turns out to be the demon prince of Chicago, and he wants her powers for his side. If he can't convert her, he has to kill her- and it's going to take all her strength to defeat him.
Fantasy Novel BLADES OF THE FALLEN:
(One Sentence)
When two empires destroy a temple in their pursuit of power, the only survivor is a reformed child assassin whose thirst for revenge will unravel all their carefully laid plans.
(Pitch)
Bastard, thief, and murderer aren’t common titles for a twelve-year-old, but in Jak’s case, they’re all true. When divine intervention saves him from a gruesome death, he thinks it’s a second chance at a life without killing. But Jak's new home and family are the first casualties in a race for power between two empires vying to gain control of death itself. In his quest for revenge, Jak will return to the world of thieves and spies he left behind, discover why a goddess bothered to save his life, and learn that his most powerful weapon is not his wits or his father's blade -- but what little remains of his shattered innocence.
John Sayre hasn’t joined the local murderous branch of the KKK as his wife has come to suspect. He’s having an affair with a young African American woman.
- Thanks Jessica for this opportunity, haven't found any pitches for non-fiction so here's mine -
one liner:
The TV GUIDE 2 the channel inside your head, 6.6 billion viewers tuned in 24/7.
one paragraph synopsis:
The TV Guide 2 the channel inside your head is the bite-sized handbook to the world as we see it. A pocket size bible on how and why you should enjoy life, now. Mortier offers insights into the human condition that are so simple, so ancient, so seemingly obvious & accessible, you will have no problem applying them the second you put the book down. It's an eye-opener lifting the veil of everything that was hiding in plain sight: from the universe to the atom, from unity to solitude over to freedom, equality and property, simple truths will guide you to a practical balance applicable to every aspect of modern day life. If you are looking for a way to see through the world, this is a must.
True love does not exist.
At the least, not as far as the Earl of Hetherton is concerned. Still entangled in the loose ends of a ruinous affair that shocked the ton, Julian has given up any idea of love or marriage. But a chance meeting with an old friend may change his mind.
Each time Julian meets Miranda Parkman, something indefinable and passionate flares inside him, culminating in an unintended seduction. Forced to the altar with an uncertain future, whatever happiness may be in his future depends on his ability to overcome the past. But one woman is determined to intervene. Angered at Julian's rejection, his former lover vows she will have him back or have her revenge, regardless of the cost.
PITCH
Start with an eviscerated pedophile. Add one FBI agent, two homicide detectives and a slew of multiple personalities bent on eliminating mean men, and you’ve got Mordant Schism—a 110k word psychological suspense daring you to think you really know anyone…even yourself. Every character’s story is suspect. The question is, who is the killer?
I'm not sure if you're still accepting these, but here goes, and thanks!
Diminished Fifth is a novel of two women separated by time and culture, connected in their search for happiness: one woman seeking answers to her daughter's troubling behavior, and another woman living through the horrors of one of the worst firestorms in history. Like Kurt Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse-Five, Diminished Fifth chronicles the terror of Dresden's firestorm, but with a twist—-delving into the world of reincarnation.
--Jessica, you've won my undying respect for even attempting this daunting project you've set for yourself!--
The apocalypse occurred 1,300 years ago. There were two groups of survivors: an elitist band of self-named Illuminati who managed to flee Earth and survive in rough habitat on the moon, and those unfortunate enough to survive the man-made plagues and nuclear fire of civilization’s end. Elle McBride captains an Illuminati starship with the hopeless mission of trying to mend the ecological disaster when she befriends one of the primate Terrestrials, and learns that her own people have begun a campaign to eradicate the survivors on Earth--to retake the planet for their own. In trying to stop a new cataclysm, Elle must betray her mentor, defy a President, and redefine her loyalties to help a people even she believes are savages.
Back in sixteenth century Hungary, at the foot of The Lesser Carpathian Mountains, lived Erzsbet Bathory: the Countess Nadasdy. In her life time she killed approx five hundred teenage girls for their blood. She believed that by drinking and bathing in the blood she could ward off the ravages of age and keep her beauty. She was finally brought to trial by her cousin, Count Thurzo. Because the Countess was of royal blood she could not be condemned to death. She was therefore imprisoned in the bedchamber of her castle for the rest of her natural life. She survived four years in this solitary confinement, before dying at the age of fifty. I have awoken the Countess from her sleep of almost five hundred years and brought her into twenty-first century England.
Wykham doesn't want to be a monster. He's still human in every way that counts.
As a newly infected vampire, he can either suffer a difficult suicide or embrace life at the expense of other's lives. Wykham would rather die than kill, but he doesn't think he has the right to make that choice yet.
An angel with a broken mind has fallen into the world and is reordering both kingdoms and people's minds. The creature seems immune to reason and resistance. No human is strong enough to stop it.
But Wykham thinks a monster might be.
[for a young adult novel]
On a forest trek, Philip’s body suddenly starts boiling and before his friends could rescue him, he freezes. They all get ‘de-earthed’, get separated, and become party to a genocidal war. Yet, their trekking continues.
‘Trekking the First Layer’ is a fantasy that takes the reader to a new world in which everything goes topsy-turvy after humans enter it. Set in a culture-neutral territory, the story should find universal appeal. It is also amenable to sequels.
TARA BORN OF TEARS, literary fiction
Resigned to a sardonic life with a family and job to which he has little connection, my protagonist relies on his sister as an emotional lifeline. But when she gets married in Las Vegas, her wedding helicopter crashes in a freak accident. He watches his sister die, becomes unhinged, and embarks on a humorous but painful spiritual journey. He befriends a yin-yang kite, lives naked in a powder blue '67 Thunderbird in a massive junkyard, and finds rescue from a hospice nurse whose child is dead. Battling heartbreak and madness, he returns to innocence. From parallel stories arise complementary paths: each requires a difficult boon from the other to reach their journey's fruition.
The newspapers call him Striker. Fast, ruthless, and elusive as a shadow, the notorious government agent is rumored to be an assassin. Prudence Riley, free-spirited writer and wealthy urbanite, believes otherwise. Her sources tell her that the man she admires is honorable, a rescuer of women. So when her parents send her West for temporary shelter with an estranged uncle, she's thrilled. At last, a chance to hunt down Striker on his home turf for an interview that will prove his honor to all. But she doesn't count on the distraction of her growing closeness with embittered cowboy, Trevor Cruz. As she pursues information on Striker and tries to show Trevor the kindness of God without compromising her own values, Prudence is unaware that a danger lurks in the mountains, one that could destroy her hopes of love forever and test the faith she lives by.
I don't know if you're still accepting pitch blurb entries or not, but just in case, here's mine, for a historical novel. I get the feeling it's too wordy and too like a book report, but am not sure how to change that.
At the brink of their teens, the Nazi invasion of Poland turns two girls' peaceful world into a nightmare. When a chance encounter draws Heidi's family into the plight of their neighbors, they soon find themselves hiding more Jewish refugees than they can handle in their cottage. Yet Heidi wants more, dreaming of daring adventure in the Underground, like her friend Johann--carrying secret messages and false papers, dodging Nazi raids, and engineering nighttime escapes. But when she gets her wish, it turns into more than she bargained for, leaving her village in flames and a price on her head.
Meanwhile, everytime Tirzah thinks she's learned to cope with life in hiding, cramped in an underground cellar, it gets worse. Tensions are high as close quarters trap her in the midst of quarrels and clashing personalities. But when partisan attacks and betrayal tear away her safe haven, can she survive life on the run?
Darn. Looks like I'm late for the party. Just the same, I'm going to add my pitch, on the off chance I can still get it in there.
Completed novel, I AM THE RESURRECTION
John Callahan has become stuck in a maze of debt and destructive habits and menial jobs. His one salvation is his rock band, his best friends, but they're all just as messed up as he is. Finding a way out would require a miracle of the highest order. Through a clerical error, that miracle happens and the group find themselves catapulted into the lifestyle that they always dreamed about, only to find out that it might not quite be everything they thought it would. As the group drink and smoke and screw their way across America, they unwittingly set off a series of strange events and supernatural phenomena that seems to portend the Apocalypse.
"A dead man is urging him on, using Josh’s hands to mold the destiny of people he has never met - if Josh can’t find a way to stop this horror, the dead man walking in his shoes...will be himself."
Thank you!
Cheers,
ND|Melody
Jessica, I've tried to capture your attention with my novel the Jane Asher Factor. It hasn't "wowed" you, so here's hoping you will help me perfect my pitch....
Did you ever think that some dumb game you made up in high school would determine your future? When cake-loving, kindergarten teacher Mary Grace Falcone is proposed to by germ-phobic boyfriend, Ralph Ichy, she remembers such a game and very reluctantly, says yes to Ralph. Saying yes gets her mother off her back, but it also lands her on a reality wedding show where handsome host, Nick Charmin, falls in love with her too. Thus begins a humorous and poignant journey where Mary Grace and Ralph come to terms with their true identities and finally discover, just what’s in a game.
JLT: FantacieLand
When an anonymous “friend” directs Molly McIntyre’s attention to FantacieLand, a website where upscale Phoenix “escorts” advertise their services, Molly is stunned to see there a photo of “Amber,” a young woman who very strongly resembles Jennifer, the daughter that Molly has long presumed to be dead. Molly rushes to Phoenix only to discover that Amber’s ad has abruptly disappeared from the website and that the girl is nowhere to be found. Then, two days later, Amber’s roommate is viciously murdered and Molly suddenly realizes that she is not the only one searching for her long-lost daughter. Now Molly finds herself in the fight of her life, racing desperately to somehow save the young woman who might be her daughter before she and Amber together fall victim to a desperate killer who’s stalking them both through the disturbing world of FantacieLand.
JLT: FantacieLand
When an anonymous “friend” directs Molly McIntyre’s attention to FantacieLand, a website where upscale Phoenix “escorts” advertise their services, Molly is stunned to see there a photo of “Amber,” a young woman who very strongly resembles Jennifer, the daughter that Molly has long presumed to be dead. Molly rushes to Phoenix only to discover that Amber’s ad has abruptly disappeared from the website and that the girl is nowhere to be found. Then, two days later, Amber’s roommate is viciously murdered and Molly suddenly realizes that she is not the only one searching for her long-lost daughter. Now Molly finds herself in the fight of her life, racing desperately to somehow save the young woman who might be her daughter before she and Amber together fall victim to a desperate killer who’s stalking them both through the disturbing world of FantacieLand.
What do you call a crime when a murderer is murdered? Some say “justice,” others say “vengeance,” but either way, the LAPD needs help. Unable to find answers using traditional methods, former drug-runner, turned cop, turned millionaire playboy, Hale Parrish, is asked to use his talents to investigate. Growing up, Hale learned to live with his annoying habit of embodying the freshly dead. But when the vigilante reveals that the two of them are responsible for enacting God’s judgment, Hale must decide whether to embrace or reject his birthright. Before he can, dark shadows from his past emerge, forcing him on an emotionally gripping journey to face his demons, protect his family, and reclaim control of his destiny. Light of Judgment, my 90,000 word thriller is a dark but poignant page turner that will leave readers begging for sequels.
Argh. I'm always coming to the party late. :) Thanks in advance, Jessica!
As a Gumiho (A fox woman who can grant wishes), Korean-American Eve Faulkner has her hands full trying to keep her true identity under wraps. Everyone wants wishes, but unfortunately, she's only got nine tails, nine wish in all to grant. When a big, bad Were called Harrison comes to town, and says that he wants all nine wishes for himself, it'll take all the cunning and resourcefulness she has, plus the support of her vamp boyfriend, Vincent, to kick Harrison back to the Netherworld where he belongs.
(I didn't know if you were still accepting pitches, but here goes. "The Forgotten World," fantasy, 85k words)
While on a quest to find magic in a mundane world, Cedric Taramon and his friends open a portal that leads them from Ireland to a mythical realm. There he learns that the roots of his family tree do not run as deeply in this world as he had always believed, and that the wonders of magic and mythical lands can be more terrifying than he had ever imagined. Far worse, however, he discovers the deadly reason his ancestors left the forgotten world...and now it is hunting him.
Shaun
When Jay, a young woman trying to make a break from her past, is offered a 6 month internship at a large UN organization in Geneva, Switzerland, she jumps at the chance. But as soon as she arrives she starts to notice bizarre reminders of the past she is trying to escape.
After stumbling onto a secret portal to another dimension, Jay discovers that her job involves more than power point presentations and programming – she's supposed to save not just her world, but an entire network of dimensions. With the help of an oddball group of coworkers-- some of them with secrets of their own-- Jay has to find an undercover agent only she can recognize, before they can find her!
Crazed psychologist, Dr. Baker, goes vigilante psychopath on pedophiles found through online network in Patong Beach, Thailand.
Yep, that about sums it up! Title is, "LOS Tots Network: Secret crimes? Secret retribution."gubv
Thanks for this opp.
Mike
The Officer on Special Duty in City Planning Board must die a painful death for ordering demolition of the top floors of DhanSaab’s dream towers. DhanSaab, the don, has just to decide HOW: poisoning, drowning, burning? Once DhanSaab decides to get the Officer brutally maimed, no man, no God, not even his mother’s ghost can save him.
If resolving HOW makes DhanSaab savage, answering WHY to himself creates a tumult inside: innocence is pitted against vengeance, conscience against ambition, faith against cold logic. When the decisive moment comes, DhanSaab rescues the Officer, at the cost of his own life.
Is this still open?
Let's try.
Quixotic, cantankerous and skint, wheelchair-bound Dorothea rolls into Heathrow from her tropical homeland with an agenda on her mind and a treasure in her handbag: The Quint, the Rarest Stamp in the World. Joining her daughter Rika and granddaughter Jan in a cramped South London semi, she proceeds to create chaos. The philatelic world goes wild for The Discovery of the Century, the British Media falls in love with Gran, and greedy long-lost relatives crawl out of the woodwork. An auction could put an end to all of Rika’s debt problems, but Gran’s not selling—after all, The Quint is a family heirloom, of sentimental value, and poignant memories cling to it: the story of Gran’s long-ago love.
In fact, The Quint is just the juicy bait that draws all three women back “home”, where painful questions must be answered. What appalling thing did Dorothea do to drive Rika away thirty years ago; what did she do to atone? And who is the real owner of the Quint?
Hope this is still going on.
More than anything, Rachel McKnight wants a husband and children. It's a dream she's stopped believing in however, until "Mac" MacAlister appears in her life. After eleven years of marriage, newly divorced Mac needs a Henry Higgins to teach him how to date again. Far from being put off by Rachel's bossy ways or the pack of protective brothers who believe she is and should remain pure and virtuous until the wedding night, Mac finds himself drawn to Rachel. When Rachel confides in him that she was date raped at seventeen, Mac sets out to prove that she's anything but the frigid ball-buster she thinks she is. Can he free the passionate, loving woman he believes her to be? And if he does, will he be the one she chooses to love forever?
YA Fantasy
“They had on weird clothing. Uniforms. Maybe school uniforms but no ties. They were mostly gray but the first one was lined with blue, the second with brown." A final significant detail surfaced from memory. “Yeah, I almost forgot…they each had a key around their neck.”
Twelve year-old Zack is used to other kids attacking him. It was all thanks to that rumor: knock Zackary Sterling to the earth, earn $3.00 a pop! But never before has such a weird pair chased him—nor had any used super-powers against him. He craves the ability to stop it once and for all. With his tiny but tough—and only—friend, Van, Zack finds himself on an adventure to stand up against Blue, Brown, and the Earth itself.
When an uninfected mother and her infant son mysteriously appear on the streets of the quarantined town, Guthrie abandons his paranoid isolation to save the pair from the virulent mob. Facing grim odds, he leads the mother and child on a daring escape, navigating the containment zone as rival gangs tear the town apart in pursuit. Guthrie’s faint hope falters when confronted by a new threat outside the quarantine that is greater than the one they eluded.
When a dreamer and a brainiac emerge unexpectedly onto islands hidden in the Indian Ocean, their biggest surprise isn’t that they can now talk with animals: it’s that the island’s freakish fauna have summoned them, two seventh graders from Chicago, to stop an evil crime syndicate, whose evil plans threaten the lives every creature on our planet…including theirs.
30 second "elevator pitch" for...
GENRE: MG/FANTASY
TITLE: SURVIVAL OF THE WEIRDEST
Dear Jessica:
I hope your still up for one more round. I'd love to hear your thoughts!
Many thanks,
SL
or...
When daydreamer Dylan O’Leary and her braniac best friend, Jake Sharp, emerge unexpectedly onto the hidden, animal populated islands of Alchera, their biggest surprises are not that they can now talk with the animals, that creatures thought to be extinct exist, or that the strange hybrid creatures running around like maniacs are not figments of their imagination. It's that they've been summoned by the island's freakish fauna from Chicago to thwart the plans of the notorious B.E.G, a notorious crime syndicate that is threatening the livelihood of every creature on our planet…including theirs.
Once again, thank you, Jessica.
Jessica, I'm not sure if this offer is still open, but I am enclosing my pitch just in case.
Urban Fantasy.
Some days having wings is a bitch. Especially when a smelly assed goblin is holding me by them in front of his mouth like a French fry, threatening to eat me if he isn’t given a getaway car in ten minutes.
~It's just another day on the job for Gabrielle Tate; faery and Paranormal Crime Investigator in Centennial Falls, Idaho.
When a murderer leaves a trail of bloodless bodies and cryptic messages throughout the Paranormal section or Shade District of town, Gabrielle is partnered with her Captain, a necromancing dragon, to stop the slaughter. As the investigation deepens, Gabrielle learns two important lessons: that most paranormals enjoy a serving of faery once in awhile and how to channel her fae power so that she may help harness the evil that is enveloping their town.
"Murder is a Dirty Business"
Baby Boomer Cecelia “Sissy” Cavanaugh barely makes it through her first hot flash when her tycoon husband takes off to Rio with his sexy, young assistant. Sissy’s cushy lifestyle is on the verge of collapse. She has two options; take a handout from her witchy mother-in-law, Hazel or get a job. Sissy chooses to go to work for an Alfred Hitchcock look-alike insurance agent—cleaning crime scenes.
One of her first jobs is to clean a murder scene at a local bed and breakfast. Sissy’s daughter, Jessie, and Jessie’s friends Kim and Sarah were at the bed and breakfast when the murder occurred. The victim is Kim’s estranged husband, Brian. When Kim is arrested for his murder, Sissy launches a full-scale investigation to try and find a key piece of evidence the police may have overlooked. During her investigation she bumps heads and hearts with “hottie” detective, Case Alder.
Thanks so much.
Being a real knight isn’t working for Andy Sorenson. Abducted to a fantasy world where everyone wants him dead, he must overcome his phobia of violence to survive. Doing so might cost him everything he believes, but it’s the only way to reclaim what he’s already lost – home.
Andy doesn’t want to fight his way to the magical Dragon Gate and close it, but refusing means the banished dragons will return to destroy Honon and everyone on it, including him. Only by saving Honon can he save himself, for no one can send him home until it’s done. All the while he must hide a secret – he’s not the hero his summoners wanted, and if anyone realizes the truth, the threat may find its way to Earth.
Shadows used to be people. Magically altered, they possess mythical powers, endless time, a lot of money, and can disappear when the situation turns awkward. Sounds great, right? Not so much to Jonathan, who never wanted to be immortal in the first place. Oh, and his home--the realm of Lost Souls--is in complete magical chaos.
But now he has Annie, a sixteen-year-old human who can bring balance and order to the magic that controls the realm. More importantly, she can help Jonathan return from his shadow existence. But she can't do it alone. Enter Jared, another human magician who irks Annie to no end. He's got secrets of his own, and as he and Annie travel around the world restoring order, overcoming evil, and eliminating spies, they must learn to trust each other as well as themselves. If they don't, there will be dire consequences for Jonathan, as well as the entire human population.
Narrated by both Jonathan and Jared, SHADOWS is a young adult urban fantasy weighing in at 95,000 words.
F.B.I. Agents, Steve Madden and Jim Addis arrive in the historic Copper Capital, Butte, Montana to investigate two missing federal agents. They are drawn into a mysterious disappearance of U. S. Senator, Jeremy Carson. Their investigation leads them through a case involving terrorism with global implications.
Thanks for sharing this information with me. I really need to check it out now.
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