Occasionally I'll reject a query with a little extra advice to the writer. Recently I was really vacillating
I wish my writing could speak for itself rather than trying to pitch it like a used car salesman, but I guess that's how it's done.
Let me clarify. The writer was super kind and thankful. She saw my point and agreed that her query needed some work. She was not at all acting defensively or arguing. But I think this line says volumes about how discouraged she must be feeling and I would bet almost every writer who has ever queried has felt this way at some time or another.
But here's the thing about the query blurb. It is a different style of writing from fiction writing (something else the author said), but it's also something you all need to learn. Writing the query is a part of honing your craft.
In any job we all get to do the things we love, and need to learn how to be better at the things that might be a struggle for us. An agent doesn't just read submissions and send them to her buddies. She also needs to learn to write a compelling blurb, she needs to sharpen her negotiation skills, learn how to edit and revise, and occasionally hold a hand along the way. Not all of these are going to be an agent's favorite task, but she needs to learn to do each of them well.
The job of an author has a number of similar tasks. It's not just writing a great story, but also learning basic grammar, how to sell that story (to agents and readers alike), master social media (or hire someone who will do it for you), and how to sell yourself as the author.
So hate the query all you want, but spend some time learning how to perfect it.